I wrote this several months ago, its great to look back and draw from it now....
When I was spending some time with God this morning, I came across a few passages in the bible that reminded me of the sweet discipline that He gives to me.
I know its sounds crazy to say sweet in the same sentence as discipline, cause im pretty sure that none of us like to be disciplined, but when you really examine Gods motives (and your parents when you were younger, or if your still under their authority) behind it you realize it is really for your own good, for your protection. If you really think back on the times that your parents (or gaurdians) got upset with you and you were disciplined (hind sight is 20/20 isnt it) you realize that they were only loving you.
Because i am now a parent I can relate. I get sooo upset with Logan sometimes because i give him boundries and he always finds a way to cross them. However those boundries that I have placed in his life are their for his protection....because I love him.
Hebrews 12 verses 1-11
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a] 7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Lately I have been so frustrated with the Lord for how my life has played out.....Our Luck, so to speak, has not been good. The weather has been terrible, and it has affected our finances. And it seemed as though EVERYTHING that could go wrong, (and cost money) went wrong. My car dies, leaving us with an almost 500 dollar bill, my husbands battery in his car dies, our computer freaks out, we have bills upon bills and it left us with no money to do anything together as a family.
I am the one who handles the paying of the bills, and i was stressed beyond belife, which inturn left me feeling depressed and tired all the time. On top of that I stay at home with my kids, and with no extra money to get outta the house, I was GOING NUTS.
Of course I put ALL the blame on God. Why are you doing this, what do you want from me????
When I trully look into those questions the answer is simple. Why are you doing this?? Because i love you staci, What do you want from me??? I want a relationship with you again!!! I want you to depend on me, focus on me.
It was like a slap in the face.
When i started to depend on the Lord again (which has been a very slow process, but im trying) I have started to see things looking up!!!
For starters my husband has gotten a new job. He wont have to worry about whether or not he will make money because of the weather (he worked outdoors) because he will be working indoors. The benefits are great, and he feels like he can do this job long term.We also have been blessed with people in our lifes offering money to help cover our expenses, with out even asking. It has been just enough. And we are amazed at how genourous God has been to us. And thankful for the people in our lifes who have given.
One of the things i have learned is we need to seek God ALL the time, not just when we are in trouble (from an awesome book i am reading with jason) because the reason we have problems all the time, is because that is the only time we seek God. If God removed all of our problems, he would not get the time with us that he desires. He wants us to seek him as if we are desperate all the time, then we wont find ourselves desperate as often!!!
For those who know us, and know our struggles with church, we are officially looking again. It has been very hard to find a church that we feel connected to, but again we are trying, at that is monumental, considering how we felt in the past.
God spoke to me through this song (third day, it is currently playing on my page) and i thought it might speak to some of you as well so hear are the lyrics.
Thought that I was all alone Broken and afraid But You were there with me Yes, You were there with me And I didn't even know That I had lost my way But You were there with me Yes, You were there with me 'Til You opened up my eyes I never knew That I couldn't ever make it Without You Even though the journey's long And I know the road is hard Well, the One who's gone before me He will help me carry on After all that I've been through Now I realize the truth That I must go through the valley To stand upon the mountain of God As I travel on the road That You have lead me down You are here with me Yes, You are here with me I have need for nothing more Oh, now that I have found That You are here with me Yes, You are here with me I confess from time to time I lose my way But You are always there To bring me back again Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from And the things I've left behind But of all I've had, what I possessed Nothing can quite compare With what's in front of me With what's in front of me
We all must endure some pain before we can trully identify who we are as a person. So i will face all the storms from now on, without complaint.
I will run with perseverance the race marked out for me. I will fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.