Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Im Holding On

I posted the song that you see below a couple of days ago because i thought that I really identified with it in this way:

As human beings we can easily get lost in this crazy messed up world.....the lines between sin and morality tend to blur and we begin to use excuses such as:

"Im young, I am allowed to or should have fun" or

"Im not hurting anyone else" or

"im a good person, just cause I do ______________(insert whatever pleasure you choose)but that doesnt mean im a bad person"

"i mean, i didnt kill anyone"

Blah Blah Blah yada yada yada.... And again it is EASY, and hey it doesnt hurt that most worldly pleasures are fun and feel good....for the moment that is.....

But it is developing the attributes or characteristics of God,or walking the walk should i say, that is the REALLY difficult thing to do. And to tell you the truth, sometimes I get so frustrated I feel like throwing my hands up and running in the other direction.....sometimes i feel like im "barely holding on to Him" (as the song would put it "you") But it is INCREDIBLY rewarding when you do hold on, because God has a purpose for the difficult things he asks of us. And when we are diligent in relationship with Him, He will reveal his purpose in time.

In the past few weeks I have been reading in Genisis and this particular story about Jacob wrestleing with God caught my attention Here is the story:

Genesis 32:22-30 (Contemporary English Version)

22-23Jacob got up in the middle of the night and took his wives, his eleven children, and everything he owned across to the other side of the Jabbok River for safety. 24Afterwards, Jacob went back and spent the rest of the night alone.
A man came and fought with Jacob until just before daybreak. 25When the man saw that he could not win, he struck Jacob on the hip and threw it out of joint. 26They kept on wrestling until the man said, "Let go of me! It's almost daylight."

"You can't go until you bless me," Jacob replied.

27Then the man asked, "What is your name?"

"Jacob," he answered.

28The man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob. You have wrestled with God and with men, and you have won. That's why your name will be Israel." [a] 29Jacob said, "Now tell me your name."

"Don't you know who I am?" he asked. And he blessed Jacob.

30Jacob said, "I have seen God face to face, and I am still alive." So he named the place Peniel. [b]

Just to give you a bit of insight Jacob was about to face his brother whom he had not seen in several years, and he had not seen him in several years because he had done something he was afraid his brother would be upset at him for.....so basically He had wrestled with God in regards to this situation by not trusting him. He was afraid instead of trusting that the Lord would keep his promise to him and go before him and work out the situation in his favor.

Lately in certian situations i have been "body splashing" (that would be a wrestling term i learned from my husband) the Lord every chance I got.

When God directed me to this part of the Bible I learned that he wanted me not to wrestle with Him, because that will leave me crippled for the rest of my life (remember how when jacob was wrestleing, God struck his hip and left him crippled) instead he wanted me to wrestle with my flesh or my desires to have quick answers to prayer. There is a lesson that he wants me to learn....there is a purpose. It was almost as if i could hear him say: "Staci you dont need to wrestle with me, I already know you want this situation resolved. And trust me....im workin on it." I learned that I need to be patient, because whatever it is im going through im going through it for a reason.

SO, although I understand all of this, as a human it is still the most difficult thing to do.......but im holding on......barely breathing......but i am holding on because in the pain, there is healing, in His name there is meaning....im holding on..... :)


Mindy said...

great reflections!