Friday, December 7, 2007

Lesson for today

For those of you wondering (and only because i have had a few responses where people have told me: "your gonna be okay", "keep your chin up", etc etc) I am not down all the time, i dont feel like my life is falling apart, or feel like I have the worst life in the world.....I am actually VERY happy, infact happier than i have EVER been.

To me, writing these blogs is a form of therepy, when I am feeling sad, or alone, or just having a bad day in general, it helps to have an outlet for my feelings. It is a way to help me work through things without responding in anger or stuffing down unmanageable feelings. And lets just be honest here, as human beings it is EASY to get our feelings hurt and most of the time, for me at least, when i am hurt I respond in various different ways to keep from letting others know how sensitive i REALLY am. And I think if most of you were honest, you would say the same.

At the same time I LOVE sharing my experiences or life lessons with all of you, because i know God has me go through them for a reason may be so that I can lead others through their hurts......especially those who have a hard time being open. In other words I dont want you all to think my life is filled with pain and harsh feelings towards the world.....the blogs you see posted below were all written at different times, some several months apart.....I think the best lessons learned happen when we overcome our feelings of hurt anger isolation depression etc etc.

So enough about that and on to todays lesson.

So God has been moving in my life, in a swift and jaw dropping way. He has called me to a complete lifestyle change, a heart check. And to the BEST of my ability i am obedient. Since the heart check my life has been blessed beyond belife. I am beinging to learn things about myself that were causeing me to rebel and shut myself off from my husband, my children, and all the while applying what i have learned has imporved their life's as well. It has been such an amazing journey thus far, and I couldnt be happier with the results.

But the most DIFFICULT thing about this journey is He had caused me to sacrifice things in my life that are considerably important to me. It is hard to understand why the Lord asks of us to do things that from a human perspective might seem hurtful or damaging to others, but when He asks we must obey. Because the Lord has a purpose for all things. He wants to do a work in our lives far beyond what we could imagine. And although the things he has asked of me are difficult.....I have seen fruit, ex. When a tree grows it bears fruit i.e something good. I have seen fruit that others may not see as clearly, but it is there.

I dont have all the answers as to why God works the way he does, I may be able to guess, but one day I will see the good that he planned to come out of such a trying situation. I know this because it is promised.

Romans 8:28
28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

If we remember this, and take responsibility for our behaviors and our actions, and dive into Gods word, or seek out someone with wisdom, he will begin to answer the questions we so desperately want the answers to.

The most IMPORTANT lesson I have learned to date is how to own my feelings, and how NOT to own others. So many times in my life I have taken on other peoples feelings of hurt and guilt and made them my own.

Ex. Say I have a dog, and I take care of this dog all day long 24 hours a day 7 days a week, i feel like i need some time to myself and there are these sweet people i know who decide "Hey, you need a break, hows about we watch your dog once a week?" Im like "SWEET, that would be a great thing for me, thank you" Well then theres this other person that decides he doesnt agree with that, so he begins to throw a gooey mess of judgement into mylife saying "Your letting so n so watch your dog too much, your a bad dog owner, yada yada yada"

What I do with that is INCREDIBLIY vital to my heart......If I choose to own those hateful feelings of judgement it will eat me ALIVE!!! I should know in my heart that I am a good dog owner, and walk away from those negitive emotions that someone else has towards me, because I would know that it was my sweet friends choice to watch my dog, not mine. And i would also know that I deserved that break to allow myself sometime to recoop from my week.

(btw this is not a real situation just an example, gimme a break its the only thing i could think of)

POINT BEING: Do not take on someone elses feelings or will dig a hole in your heart the size of TEXAS that you will fall into and in most cases not be able to get out. That is how the enemy works.....even when something is good he wants to puke bad all over it so that it will drain out your very exsistance.

Keep you eyes on the Lord and HE will direct your path.

What you also have to realize is our mind can be a VERY terrible thing, the enemy will help you to make up situations in your mind that arent even there, and before you know it you have this whole scenario that your moms sisters daughters brother in law thinks your the worst mother father brother babysitter boss in the world. Its rediculous sometimes what i let myself believe. Now, I take those feelings and own them as my own and say to myself, "staci, you dont know that is true" and I pray....and pray and pray and pray that I dont let it happen again.

Anyway thats it....thats my lesson for today , remember OWN YOUR OWN/ DONT OWN ANYONE ELSES!!



ugagirl30 said...

Thank you for sharing this with me. I have been praying for God to change my heart. There was a time when I loved this man very much and would have done anything in the world for him. I do not want to hate him. I never want my son to feel like I hate his father. I want there to be peace in my life and in my son's life. God knows these things. He knew them even before I spoke them. And it is only with his grace and power that I will be able to change my feelings toward him.

I am very lucky to still have communication with my ex's sister. She is very blunt and does not sugar coat things. She helped me yesterday realize that the very thing that I have pushed for (them to have a relationship) is what is bugging me know. I am having a hard time letting Ryan be his child. And that stems from years of protecting him from being hurt by his father.

But I trust that Our Father will work on my heart, as well as his father's. We both need some more Jesus in our hearts.