Monday, December 3, 2007

Okay so i can be dense

It's crazy how God can speak to me and I can completely overlook what he has to say...........thats why i have called myself dense today because if it werent for my brilliant husband, I wouldnt have heard what the Lord was so desperately trying to get me to understand.

I would just like to pass on this piece of wisdom, to me it is necessary that everyone hear this message. We get soooo worked up when others hurt our hearts and want sooo badly to seek revenge, that we dont see what it can do to our lives.....

FOR EXAMPLE: for a moment lets examine my life....

so i decide to trust Christ in the 8th grade (which was the most amazing experience) and walk with him for a time, FULLY DEVOTED...during this time many people came to know him because of my obedience to Him (lets clarify that it was NOT because of who I am but who HE was and IS in me) To this day I still hear stories from people about how my life effected theirs when we were growing up.....and it makes me feel wonderful to know that God was working through me to reach others for the awesome it felt to be intrusted with such an amazing gift.....

HOWEVER in more recent days my heart has been hurt by some that I looked up to was not the cause of me pulling away from the Lord, but certainly had its place in helping that situation fester.....In a nut shell i have had a hard time since then finding a church that I feel at home.....i am constantly comparing EVERYTHING about the new churches that i attend to my former church. And without church, without the Lord's guidence I have found myself rebeling and depressed, pulling further away from the happy life i once lived in Him.
I have prayed and prayed that God would be clear about where i was to be....and this morning I told my husband that I was afraid God was telling me I needed to let go, stop compareing, get over it, move on sort of thing.....but what he said to me was this: "Staci, I dont think that you should pray about what church the Lord wants you at, what you really need to pray for is a heart like Christ's, you see you are holding on to so much hurt and anger, that God will never let you feel at home anywhere, until you forgive those that you feel have wronged you. AND on the flipside allow them to forgive you!!! Of course i was taken aback by this (and still sorta am, but im trying to be open) "WHAT?? i didnt do anything to them" and he said "YES, you have" "you are holding them in prison so to speak, and wont let them out" He went on to tell me that I am not their judge (who am i) that only God is, and I need to forgive and move forward.....because that is what God would do.....and wouldnt you know we are studying "The Mind Of Christ" for our quiet times.....if i wanna be like him......i need to learn to forgive EVERYONE.

So then wouldnt you know in my daily inspirational email from joel and victoria Olsteen God just REITTERATED, what i had just learned. Here is what it said

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him! (Isaiah 30:18 NIV)".

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
Sometimes, unfair things happen. A relationship doesn't work out, or a friend betrays us. Life is not always fair. The good news is that even though life is not always fair, we serve a God who is fair. He is a God of justice. He sees every wrong that's ever been done to you. He sees every person that's ever hurt you, every unfair situation. If you will stay in faith and not get bitter, God has promised He will pay you back for every injustice that's ever been done to you. He said He would take what was meant for your harm, and He'll turn it around and use it to your advantage. And the great thing about God is if you keep the right attitude, if you'll wait for Him, He'll not only bring you out, He'll bring you out better off than you were before! God wants to make the enemy pay for bringing that trouble into your life. Be encouraged today that God is for you! He is working behind the scenes on your behalf. Praise Him and thank Him for showing His justice in your life today!

A Prayer for Today
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your justice in my life. Thank You for working behind the scenes on my behalf. I choose to trust You today. I choose to release every person who has wronged me. Help me to forgive so that I can open the door for You to work in my life today. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

SERIOUSLY, it kinda freaked me out, but this is how it always works....sometimes he has to speak it several times before I "GET IT" and so now I GOT IT.
One of the other things Jay said that made me feel good, was that it wasnt something God expected of me immediately, forgivness is a process and it takes time, I wanted to cry when he was telling me these things because i just dont feel "ready" to forgive yet. He just kept saying "its okay, its okay" you will be......and thats where prayer comes in, I dont know about you, but I am gonna pray for a heart like Jesus'. And I am grateful knowing that I dont have to carry the burden of others sin anymore....that its not my place to see that they are punished....its His!!! And he will see to it that I am taken care of.

I love you guys