Thursday, December 27, 2007

Answered prayer

I just cannot believe how big my boys are, it just seems like yesterday I was holding lil Landon in my arms for the first time and Logan had just turned four. In just a few weeks Landon will be 2 years old, and Logan is 6!!!

I was just watching one of my favorite movies on tv this morning, and one of the characters said something that describes PERFECTLY how i feel about my children......it goes like this:

All those years, that I prayed, that I begged on my hands and knees for God to make me more, give me more, make me better, make me stronger, make me saner, make all my dreams come true, I finally got an answer. What? You (my boys) Right there all wrapped up in one person, all I'd ever wanted to be or do. And there you are. You came right through me...


I LOVE that, it is the truth, my children are everything ive ever wanted to be or do.....so the next time you look at your precious child or children remember they are Gods way of making your wishes and dreams come true. My boys are the most INCREDIBLY beautiful, smart, sweet, children I could EVER dream of. And I thank God for them. They keep me going.....


I took these pictures on Christmas eve. I had gotten the camera out at the beginning of December when we went to decorate the tree to take pics of it. I must have snapped a million pictures only to find out there was NO film in the camera...OOPS!!!! So there are some of them re hanging the ornaments in place of the non existant pictures :).








I dont want to take anymore pictures MOOOOM!!!




Monday, December 24, 2007

All I Want For Christmas is my Two Front Teeth!!!!

As you can see my six year old is toothless. He lost his first tooth on the way down to disney the week of Thanksgiving, and his second wrestleing with his dad, yeah.... his father knocked it out. No worries it was already loose. SO....anyway he was finally able to go and tell santa for himself that he wanted NEW TEETH and, some other things as well!!!


We went to Fiesta Texas, mimaw got us all passes again this year for Christmas, and they have whats called holiday in the park. The park is lit up with lights and they have several christmas shows and SANTA is even there.


The first thing we did was get in line to see him.....and let me tell ya, if you havent taken your child to see him yet....this is the place. He was the most BEAUTIFUL santa i have EVER seen....just wonderful.


Here is some pics of the kids anticipating santa......Landon was SOOO cute he practiced his smile over and over. I would say "show mommy how your gonna smile" and he would get a HUGE grin on his face.....too cute here he is practicing, and if you know Landon, you know he HARDLY ever smiles in pictures so it shows that he is TRULLY excited.
And finally here they are with the big guy himself, SANTA!!! Landon was sooo excited, till he grabbed him and sat down with him then all hell broke loose, if you look closely you will see that landon is holding a candy cane, that was the only way he would let santa hold him. OH WELL it came out good in the end!!! And I think Logan will get his teeth back too!!

OH TOY!!!

So We had our Big Adams Family Christmas Party last night, which was so much fun, i have a HUGE family and this year we could BARELY all fit inside my late papas home. We had the traditional Adams family christmas dinner of tamales and rice beans etc etc. Then the kids opened their million and one gifts from the million and one family members, and then it was time for the adult fun.

We always play Chinese Christmas, every person brings a gift to contribute. You draw a number, and number one starts off the game....they pic a present open it and then go sit down, then number two has the choice of stealing that gift or opening another....it gets crazy and of course if you have more than one family member (in your imediate family ) playing, then you can pretty much have any present you want (DAVID!!!) my cousin David even went so far as to steal SEVERAL presents from a sweet senior citizen who ended up with tools!!!! Can you believe that??? Ha ha ha all in good fun. Anyway after you have the gift three times it becomes yours. LOTS OF FUN!!!
I will be posting pics of the fam later but i wanted to post pics of the fun the boys had with some of the gifts they got.

Here is Logan and Landon playing with the tent they got from Pop and Nana and their uncles (my dad stepmom and brothers) Logan had a ball BUT Landon was not so sure about crawling through the tunnel.....these pictures crack me up because he is staring at it as if it is going to eat him alive!!!



Then on to the next toy which is a rocket launcher thingy. My boys are finally getting to the age where sibling rivalry kicks in ( OH JOY) they fight over EVERYTHING!!!! Here they are outside launching the rocket. Landon hasn't quite figured out the joy of sharing, and is NOT happy about exhibiting it!!!







Friday, December 21, 2007

Making Cookies with the Loalbos

So its Christmas time, and one of my FAV memories as a child is making cookies with my mimaw, I LOVED decorating them after they had cooled, and so I carry on the tradition with my kids. Here are some pics of the boys joining the wonderful family tradition.

Here they are patting and rolling out the dough.



Pat Pat Pat Ma Ma



Now on to the cookie cutting. We had a bell an angel and a Holly leaf.




Time to add the sprinkles!!!




Its not cookie making if you dont get to sample the dough, Landon got soo excited he put his face onto the table to take a bite.



We got a lil messy so then it was time to take a bath while the cookies baked


After our baths while the cookies were cooling we pretended the icing was some sort of laser they had a blast chasing each other around pretend shooting.


Logan and I put on the finishing touches.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Im Holding On

I posted the song that you see below a couple of days ago because i thought that I really identified with it in this way:

As human beings we can easily get lost in this crazy messed up world.....the lines between sin and morality tend to blur and we begin to use excuses such as:

"Im young, I am allowed to or should have fun" or

"Im not hurting anyone else" or

"im a good person, just cause I do ______________(insert whatever pleasure you choose)but that doesnt mean im a bad person"

"i mean, i didnt kill anyone"

Blah Blah Blah yada yada yada.... And again it is EASY, and hey it doesnt hurt that most worldly pleasures are fun and feel good....for the moment that is.....

But it is developing the attributes or characteristics of God,or walking the walk should i say, that is the REALLY difficult thing to do. And to tell you the truth, sometimes I get so frustrated I feel like throwing my hands up and running in the other direction.....sometimes i feel like im "barely holding on to Him" (as the song would put it "you") But it is INCREDIBLY rewarding when you do hold on, because God has a purpose for the difficult things he asks of us. And when we are diligent in relationship with Him, He will reveal his purpose in time.

In the past few weeks I have been reading in Genisis and this particular story about Jacob wrestleing with God caught my attention Here is the story:

Genesis 32:22-30 (Contemporary English Version)

22-23Jacob got up in the middle of the night and took his wives, his eleven children, and everything he owned across to the other side of the Jabbok River for safety. 24Afterwards, Jacob went back and spent the rest of the night alone.
A man came and fought with Jacob until just before daybreak. 25When the man saw that he could not win, he struck Jacob on the hip and threw it out of joint. 26They kept on wrestling until the man said, "Let go of me! It's almost daylight."

"You can't go until you bless me," Jacob replied.

27Then the man asked, "What is your name?"

"Jacob," he answered.

28The man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob. You have wrestled with God and with men, and you have won. That's why your name will be Israel." [a] 29Jacob said, "Now tell me your name."

"Don't you know who I am?" he asked. And he blessed Jacob.

30Jacob said, "I have seen God face to face, and I am still alive." So he named the place Peniel. [b]

Just to give you a bit of insight Jacob was about to face his brother whom he had not seen in several years, and he had not seen him in several years because he had done something he was afraid his brother would be upset at him for.....so basically He had wrestled with God in regards to this situation by not trusting him. He was afraid instead of trusting that the Lord would keep his promise to him and go before him and work out the situation in his favor.

Lately in certian situations i have been "body splashing" (that would be a wrestling term i learned from my husband) the Lord every chance I got.

When God directed me to this part of the Bible I learned that he wanted me not to wrestle with Him, because that will leave me crippled for the rest of my life (remember how when jacob was wrestleing, God struck his hip and left him crippled) instead he wanted me to wrestle with my flesh or my desires to have quick answers to prayer. There is a lesson that he wants me to learn....there is a purpose. It was almost as if i could hear him say: "Staci you dont need to wrestle with me, I already know you want this situation resolved. And trust me....im workin on it." I learned that I need to be patient, because whatever it is im going through im going through it for a reason.

SO, although I understand all of this, as a human it is still the most difficult thing to do.......but im holding on......barely breathing......but i am holding on because in the pain, there is healing, in His name there is meaning....im holding on..... :)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

For You



The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
Is *there* healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
*And*I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will
I will be okay

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

Friday, December 7, 2007

Lesson for today

For those of you wondering (and only because i have had a few responses where people have told me: "your gonna be okay", "keep your chin up", etc etc) I am not down all the time, i dont feel like my life is falling apart, or feel like I have the worst life in the world.....I am actually VERY happy, infact happier than i have EVER been.

To me, writing these blogs is a form of therepy, when I am feeling sad, or alone, or just having a bad day in general, it helps to have an outlet for my feelings. It is a way to help me work through things without responding in anger or stuffing down unmanageable feelings. And lets just be honest here, as human beings it is EASY to get our feelings hurt and most of the time, for me at least, when i am hurt I respond in various different ways to keep from letting others know how sensitive i REALLY am. And I think if most of you were honest, you would say the same.

At the same time I LOVE sharing my experiences or life lessons with all of you, because i know God has me go through them for a reason....one reason may be so that I can lead others through their hurts......especially those who have a hard time being open. In other words I dont want you all to think my life is filled with pain and harsh feelings towards the world.....the blogs you see posted below were all written at different times, some several months apart.....I think the best lessons learned happen when we overcome our feelings of hurt anger isolation depression etc etc.

So enough about that and on to todays lesson.

So God has been moving in my life, in a swift and jaw dropping way. He has called me to a complete lifestyle change, a heart check. And to the BEST of my ability i am obedient. Since the heart check my life has been blessed beyond belife. I am beinging to learn things about myself that were causeing me to rebel and shut myself off from my husband, my children, and all the while applying what i have learned has imporved their life's as well. It has been such an amazing journey thus far, and I couldnt be happier with the results.

But the most DIFFICULT thing about this journey is He had caused me to sacrifice things in my life that are considerably important to me. It is hard to understand why the Lord asks of us to do things that from a human perspective might seem hurtful or damaging to others, but when He asks we must obey. Because the Lord has a purpose for all things. He wants to do a work in our lives far beyond what we could imagine. And although the things he has asked of me are difficult.....I have seen fruit, ex. When a tree grows it bears fruit i.e something good. I have seen fruit that others may not see as clearly, but it is there.

I dont have all the answers as to why God works the way he does, I may be able to guess, but one day I will see the good that he planned to come out of such a trying situation. I know this because it is promised.

Romans 8:28
28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

If we remember this, and take responsibility for our behaviors and our actions, and dive into Gods word, or seek out someone with wisdom, he will begin to answer the questions we so desperately want the answers to.

The most IMPORTANT lesson I have learned to date is how to own my feelings, and how NOT to own others. So many times in my life I have taken on other peoples feelings of hurt and guilt and made them my own.

Ex. Say I have a dog, and I take care of this dog all day long 24 hours a day 7 days a week, i feel like i need some time to myself and there are these sweet people i know who decide "Hey, you need a break, hows about we watch your dog once a week?" Im like "SWEET, that would be a great thing for me, thank you" Well then theres this other person that decides he doesnt agree with that, so he begins to throw a gooey mess of judgement into mylife saying "Your letting so n so watch your dog too much, your a bad dog owner, yada yada yada"

What I do with that is INCREDIBLIY vital to my heart......If I choose to own those hateful feelings of judgement it will eat me ALIVE!!! I should know in my heart that I am a good dog owner, and walk away from those negitive emotions that someone else has towards me, because I would know that it was my sweet friends choice to watch my dog, not mine. And i would also know that I deserved that break to allow myself sometime to recoop from my week.

(btw this is not a real situation just an example, gimme a break its the only thing i could think of)

POINT BEING: Do not take on someone elses feelings or choices....it will dig a hole in your heart the size of TEXAS that you will fall into and in most cases not be able to get out. That is how the enemy works.....even when something is good he wants to puke bad all over it so that it will drain out your very exsistance.

Keep you eyes on the Lord and HE will direct your path.

What you also have to realize is our mind can be a VERY terrible thing, the enemy will help you to make up situations in your mind that arent even there, and before you know it you have this whole scenario that your moms sisters daughters brother in law thinks your the worst mother father brother babysitter boss in the world. Its rediculous sometimes what i let myself believe. Now, I take those feelings and own them as my own and say to myself, "staci, you dont know that is true" and I pray....and pray and pray and pray that I dont let it happen again.

Anyway thats it....thats my lesson for today , remember OWN YOUR OWN/ DONT OWN ANYONE ELSES!!

BLESSINGS

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Comments???

For those of you who may be new to blogging, here's a little "comments" tutorial. I've had some people ask how they can leave comments about the pictures or the posts... First, scroll to the bottom of the post that you would like to comment on (not the bottom of the entire blog). Where you see the date and time stamp followed by "comments", click on comments. This will open the window where you can leave your message. When it asks you for an email address and password, it's not asking you to create any sort of account, you just need to type in your current email address and password so it can attach an identity to your comment.

I totally ganked this tutorial from steph!!

love yall

Monday, December 3, 2007

Hello

All of the blogs posted below were written over about a 6-9 month period of time, I was previously on myspace but chose to delete it. I have however decided that the most important part of myspace to me, was the blogging, considering it is coming from my heart....hoping that through my experiences someone may relate and i can be used by God. So i copied and pasted them for you to read. Thank you for taking interest in me and my heart...

I would start from the bottom and work your way up since it posts the most recent first....

staci

Humbled and Broken before the Lord

I am not ashamed to be humbled before the Lord and before all of you.

I have been on a journey the last few months searching for the Lord desperate for his rescue....I felt like i was drowning, and i used anything and EVERYTHING to keep me from seeing the truth or accepting the truth...but i have been humbled.....I have seen what the sin in my life can do, I have seen the fruit of my sin so to speak.....I have hurt many people, more importantly i have been blinded by the enemy....lead to believe that there was something better for me than what i have.....AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, what i have....is AMAZING. My family, my boys ( husband included) are the biggest and best of blessings that I could ever dream of.
I have always known the truth, that there is an enemy.....but not until this weekend was i made aware of how TRULLY real he is and how intent he is in destroying relationships.

I wont go into details because that is not what is important....but i will say this, I made the mistake of not listening to the leadings of my husband (for my protection) and because of that (what would seem like a teeny tiny mistake) the enemy used me to hurt innocent people. People that I LOVE in particular the one person i love most in this world, my husband.

The Lord has BROKEN me.....(as a certain song would say)I am SHAKEN by His love. And this people is a good thing....I read something just a few minutes ago....and it really helps describe how i feel....because it is sooo hard to put into words what brokeness means to me. Here it is:
Brokenness is our humble response to God's conviction of our sins. Oncebroken, we find ourselves responding in humility and completerepentance. We are actually agreeing with God and saying, "Yes, Lord,You're right-I have sinned. All of my heart is Yours and I'll keepnothing from you."Being broken also means the walls of sin protecting the parts of ourhearts we refuse to surrender to God are torn apart and destroyed. Whenwe choose to yield to the Lover of our souls, He gives us this promise:

Isaiah 57:15 (New Living Translation)
15 The high and lofty one who lives in eternity,the Holy One, says this:"I live in the high and holy placewith those whose spirits are contrite and humble.I restore the crushed spirit of the humbleand revive the courage of those with repentant hearts.

I have a VERY long road to recovery ahead....i have MANY people to ask forgivness of, to forgive, I also have a BOATLOAD of secret sins that WILL come into the light. I am not perfect nor am i claiming to be or claiming that I will EVER be....but I am NOT running in the wrong direction anymore. I will stay this course no matter what it takes.

I write these things because i love you all....and i hope that if you can identify that you will feel free to use me in any way you can to help you.

I also write this as a declaration of how i want my life to be....I need support from people who love me. I need others to run this race with me. ARE YOU IN??

Okay so i can be dense

It's crazy how God can speak to me and I can completely overlook what he has to say...........thats why i have called myself dense today because if it werent for my brilliant husband, I wouldnt have heard what the Lord was so desperately trying to get me to understand.

I would just like to pass on this piece of wisdom, to me it is necessary that everyone hear this message. We get soooo worked up when others hurt our hearts and want sooo badly to seek revenge, that we dont see what it can do to our lives.....

FOR EXAMPLE: for a moment lets examine my life....

so i decide to trust Christ in the 8th grade (which was the most amazing experience) and walk with him for a time, FULLY DEVOTED...during this time many people came to know him because of my obedience to Him (lets clarify that it was NOT because of who I am but who HE was and IS in me) To this day I still hear stories from people about how my life effected theirs when we were growing up.....and it makes me feel wonderful to know that God was working through me to reach others for the kingdom....how awesome it felt to be intrusted with such an amazing gift.....

HOWEVER in more recent days my heart has been hurt by some that I looked up to spiritually....it was not the cause of me pulling away from the Lord, but certainly had its place in helping that situation fester.....In a nut shell i have had a hard time since then finding a church that I feel at home.....i am constantly comparing EVERYTHING about the new churches that i attend to my former church. And without church, without the Lord's guidence I have found myself rebeling and depressed, pulling further away from the happy life i once lived in Him.
I have prayed and prayed that God would be clear about where i was to be....and this morning I told my husband that I was afraid God was telling me I needed to let go, stop compareing, get over it, move on sort of thing.....but what he said to me was this: "Staci, I dont think that you should pray about what church the Lord wants you at, what you really need to pray for is a heart like Christ's, you see you are holding on to so much hurt and anger, that God will never let you feel at home anywhere, until you forgive those that you feel have wronged you. AND on the flipside allow them to forgive you!!! Of course i was taken aback by this (and still sorta am, but im trying to be open) "WHAT?? i didnt do anything to them" and he said "YES, you have" "you are holding them in prison so to speak, and wont let them out" He went on to tell me that I am not their judge (who am i) that only God is, and I need to forgive and move forward.....because that is what God would do.....and wouldnt you know we are studying "The Mind Of Christ" for our quiet times.....if i wanna be like him......i need to learn to forgive EVERYONE.

So then wouldnt you know in my daily inspirational email from joel and victoria Olsteen God just REITTERATED, what i had just learned. Here is what it said

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him! (Isaiah 30:18 NIV)".

Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
Sometimes, unfair things happen. A relationship doesn't work out, or a friend betrays us. Life is not always fair. The good news is that even though life is not always fair, we serve a God who is fair. He is a God of justice. He sees every wrong that's ever been done to you. He sees every person that's ever hurt you, every unfair situation. If you will stay in faith and not get bitter, God has promised He will pay you back for every injustice that's ever been done to you. He said He would take what was meant for your harm, and He'll turn it around and use it to your advantage. And the great thing about God is if you keep the right attitude, if you'll wait for Him, He'll not only bring you out, He'll bring you out better off than you were before! God wants to make the enemy pay for bringing that trouble into your life. Be encouraged today that God is for you! He is working behind the scenes on your behalf. Praise Him and thank Him for showing His justice in your life today!

A Prayer for Today
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your justice in my life. Thank You for working behind the scenes on my behalf. I choose to trust You today. I choose to release every person who has wronged me. Help me to forgive so that I can open the door for You to work in my life today. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

SERIOUSLY, it kinda freaked me out, but this is how it always works....sometimes he has to speak it several times before I "GET IT" and so now I GOT IT.
One of the other things Jay said that made me feel good, was that it wasnt something God expected of me immediately, forgivness is a process and it takes time, I wanted to cry when he was telling me these things because i just dont feel "ready" to forgive yet. He just kept saying "its okay, its okay" you will be......and thats where prayer comes in, I dont know about you, but I am gonna pray for a heart like Jesus'. And I am grateful knowing that I dont have to carry the burden of others sin anymore....that its not my place to see that they are punished....its His!!! And he will see to it that I am taken care of.

I love you guys

Joy

Yesterday I happened upon something that was written partially about me, to me it was hurtful and unwarrented. And it was written by someone I trully cared about. Naturally I responded bitterly, and so the story goes our relationship will not be the same.

But that is not the focus of this blog.....you see I have REALLY been seeking the Lord lately, and for those of you who know me, you know that I have been far from Him for some time because of certain circumstances, not because of things that others have done (small part) but more so things that I have done. However, I have remained somewhat complacent with my life....thats a great way to describe my situation.... here is the definition:

pleased, esp. with oneself or one's merits, advantages, situation, etc., often without awareness of some potential danger or defect

Thats the thing....ive been mostly happy with where I was, just walkin along completely happy without the Lord. And then, as things so often do, things started to go wrong....and where do we often look when we are hurting, depressed, in need of comfort that we cant get from others? We look up.....right?

It was then that I realized that I have been missing out on the joy that I used to have in my life when i was wholly devoted to the Lord. I remember the feeling that I had back then and I have been sooo desperate to get that feeling back. But wouldnt you know, the moment I started seeking the Lord again, the attacks got even stronger, and more often....and BOY do they keep comin. thats where the second part of the definition comes in.....not aware of the danger ahead. And I find myself wanting SOOOO badly to give up the fight. But this morning in my inbox (email) I recieved my daily email from Joel and Vicoria Olsteen (i signed up for daily inspirational emails) and it spoke right to my heart. Here is what it said:

"I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy" John 16:22 (NIV).
Your life is probably so fast paced that it seems to be swirling around you at times. In the midst of a hectic schedule, there are plenty of opportunities to lose your joy. But you don't have to let any circumstance rob you of the joy that is rightfully yours in Christ. Once you decide to follow God and listen to Him, alone, nothing can take away that joy that is within you. And when your heart is set on joy, no one can wrestle it away from you unless you allow it. Your enemy is roaming around like a lion - waiting to devour, destroy and rob you of joy (1 Peter 5:8). But he can't steal what Jesus has given to you in the first place. Today's verse is a promise from Jesus, Himself - so hold on to the joy that He has put in your heart!

It made me almost burst into tears, because I knew with what I was dealt yesterday and the days leading up to today, that Satan is trying to steal the joy that is mine. And I am going to do everything I can to keep that from happening.

Satan comes to take away......he will not hesitate to use people u love or care about to make you feel inadequite and horrible about yourself.....before you respond the way that i did, in anger....just remember that God would want you to turn the other cheek, he may not want you to stay in that relationship....but He would want you to be loving, forgiving, and understanding the way that He is.
I love you all!!!!

Forgiveness

I had ALOT to complain about this past weekend, You see I decided to brave the heat and have a GARAGE SALE. I know I know, im not too smart, however for two days I was out in the blistering heat selling all the crap that had been collecting in my closet and garage of course. And I had NO idea how much work these types of shinanigans actually took!!! Dont get me wrong this is not near my FIRST garage sale, when my mimaw or mom would have one I would kindly bring over all the clutter from my home to make a couple of extra bucks....but i must addmitt never did I have to do much more than lay out my items on the table and sit around and collect the dough. Nope, this time, it was all me....and lindsay of course. :)

Now I could go on and on about how hot it was or how rude people can be, but what took me from a somewhat flustered attitude to a down right ANGRY attitude, really had NOTHING to do with the garage sale.

There is nothing NOTHING i say, that causes heart ache like the heart ache you feel when you realize your child has had his feelings hurt by one of his friends. Or is being picked on.
Now I have had three birthday parties in this house, one when Logan turned four, shortly after we moved in, one when he turned five this past september, and one in January when landon turned one. Not only did i invite my WHOLE FAM DAMILY. But i made sure not to leave out ANY of the children in the culdesac we live on. There are 4 girls 3 boys not includeing mine.
So one of these girls decided to have a birthday party and not invite my child. Mind you I was already in a foul mood, I watched as my little boy got on his scooter and ride past their house all smiles as he cried out after them "HI MICHEAL, HI LUIS, HI ISABELLE!!!" it was enough to make me want to punch someones parents right in the face. I was LIVID, and I made sure to let every one know "HOW DARE SHE" HOW DARE HER PARENTS" "IVE ALWAYS INCLUDED HER" and i made sure to tell my son "YOU WILL NOT PLAY WITH HER" " YOU DONT NEED FRIENDS LIKE THAT" etc etc. I reacted without hesitation and was HELL bent in putting those people in their place. But what happended next just put ME right in my place.

My child didnt seem to be bothered at all, infact he reacted the way that Christ would have. He remainded calm and said to me "But mom, she is my friend, and I love her" And that was that. He was willing to forgive her even without apology. He wasnt concerned with material things such as parties, he made the decision that their relationship was more important to him, and that a party didnt merit the end of it. He was willing to be kind no matter what. And I couldnt be prouder.

It has really lead me to seek God on this matter, I consider myself to be a VERY forgiving person. And for those of you who know me im sure you would agree, And I get LOTS of grief for it. However there are some DEEP hurts in my life that I just cannot seem to let go of.
I ran across this article today, It helped explain what the bible teaches about forgivness. Very interesting, thought I would pass it along. Please, let me know what you think.

Here it is:
http://www.rbc.org/uploadedFiles/Bible_Study/Discovery_Series/PDFs/When_Forgiveness_Seems_Impossible.pdf
a

Who Am I??

Paul's Hardships
3We put no stumbling block in anyone's path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. 4Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.


Wow, if that doesnt make me want to be a better person i dont know what will.
As I read this I was thinking, WHO AM I. I mean really, there are people in this world who have suffered soooo much pain and distruction, and here i am with an amazing husband two beautiful boys, my own home, two cars that run, running water, I even have 4 couches FOUR (im retarded i know) but seriously, WHO AM I?? What in the cotton pickin world do I have to complain about?

I want to be more like that. Someone who rejoices at the amazing blessings i have in my life, rather than someone who whines and complains all the time.

I want to be the kind of person who doesnt cause others to stumble in their walk.
Im done :)

Discipline

I wrote this several months ago, its great to look back and draw from it now....

When I was spending some time with God this morning, I came across a few passages in the bible that reminded me of the sweet discipline that He gives to me.

I know its sounds crazy to say sweet in the same sentence as discipline, cause im pretty sure that none of us like to be disciplined, but when you really examine Gods motives (and your parents when you were younger, or if your still under their authority) behind it you realize it is really for your own good, for your protection. If you really think back on the times that your parents (or gaurdians) got upset with you and you were disciplined (hind sight is 20/20 isnt it) you realize that they were only loving you.

Because i am now a parent I can relate. I get sooo upset with Logan sometimes because i give him boundries and he always finds a way to cross them. However those boundries that I have placed in his life are their for his protection....because I love him.

Hebrews 12 verses 1-11
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, 6because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[
a] 7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Lately I have been so frustrated with the Lord for how my life has played out.....Our Luck, so to speak, has not been good. The weather has been terrible, and it has affected our finances. And it seemed as though EVERYTHING that could go wrong, (and cost money) went wrong. My car dies, leaving us with an almost 500 dollar bill, my husbands battery in his car dies, our computer freaks out, we have bills upon bills and it left us with no money to do anything together as a family.

I am the one who handles the paying of the bills, and i was stressed beyond belife, which inturn left me feeling depressed and tired all the time. On top of that I stay at home with my kids, and with no extra money to get outta the house, I was GOING NUTS.
Of course I put ALL the blame on God. Why are you doing this, what do you want from me????
When I trully look into those questions the answer is simple. Why are you doing this?? Because i love you staci, What do you want from me??? I want a relationship with you again!!! I want you to depend on me, focus on me.

It was like a slap in the face.

When i started to depend on the Lord again (which has been a very slow process, but im trying) I have started to see things looking up!!!

For starters my husband has gotten a new job. He wont have to worry about whether or not he will make money because of the weather (he worked outdoors) because he will be working indoors. The benefits are great, and he feels like he can do this job long term.We also have been blessed with people in our lifes offering money to help cover our expenses, with out even asking. It has been just enough. And we are amazed at how genourous God has been to us. And thankful for the people in our lifes who have given.

One of the things i have learned is we need to seek God ALL the time, not just when we are in trouble (from an awesome book i am reading with jason) because the reason we have problems all the time, is because that is the only time we seek God. If God removed all of our problems, he would not get the time with us that he desires. He wants us to seek him as if we are desperate all the time, then we wont find ourselves desperate as often!!!

For those who know us, and know our struggles with church, we are officially looking again. It has been very hard to find a church that we feel connected to, but again we are trying, at that is monumental, considering how we felt in the past.

God spoke to me through this song (third day, it is currently playing on my page) and i thought it might speak to some of you as well so hear are the lyrics.

Thought that I was all alone Broken and afraid But You were there with me Yes, You were there with me And I didn't even know That I had lost my way But You were there with me Yes, You were there with me 'Til You opened up my eyes I never knew That I couldn't ever make it Without You Even though the journey's long And I know the road is hard Well, the One who's gone before me He will help me carry on After all that I've been through Now I realize the truth That I must go through the valley To stand upon the mountain of God As I travel on the road That You have lead me down You are here with me Yes, You are here with me I have need for nothing more Oh, now that I have found That You are here with me Yes, You are here with me I confess from time to time I lose my way But You are always there To bring me back again Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from And the things I've left behind But of all I've had, what I possessed Nothing can quite compare With what's in front of me With what's in front of me

We all must endure some pain before we can trully identify who we are as a person. So i will face all the storms from now on, without complaint.

I will run with perseverance the race marked out for me. I will fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.