So I have pondered that particular statement in the last few days, and don't worry my fellow bloggers, family, and friends.....i haven't turned manly and decided to take up football as a hobby....But I have been thinking alot about how painful my walk with Christ has been lately.
Sometimes I feel like Job....okay maybe I'm being a tad bit....okay more than a tad bit dramatic, but my point is I feel tested. I feel like the Lord has had enough of my shenanigans and He wants to know that I am for real this time.....and honestly....I don't blame Him. But as I have pondered this I have learned soo much.....now don't get me wrong, its not like i don't get frustrated at times and throw those "Staci fits," but I also don't walk around with a creepy smile on my face and pretend like nothings wrong.....in fact when I'm having a hard time, you'll know it....let that be a warning to you all!!! Kidding :)
Anyway, yesterday I happened to misunderstand something that one of my dear friends said to me....its such a silly thing, but its quite humorous when i think of what our pastor Douglas talked about this weekend, he talked about how our mind or our "old self's" can sometimes make us believe or make up things in our head that are not true...of course this is not what the entire talk was built on however the illustration he used was great. He has this head that I guess was molded out of clay, and it was made to look just like him....kinda creepy.....anyway he used it to illustrate that "voice" we sometimes hear internally.....
ex. Hey Stace, I LOVE your outfit, is that new, you look soooo pretty today?
Here's what I'm thinkin,
TODAY?? (throw in that head thing where you move it in a circular motion saying OH NO SHE DI-ENT) Don't I look pretty EVERYDAY??
What was wrong with what i wore yesterday??
Did I look FAT??
Was it too tight??
I thought my eyes popped when i wore that shirt....HOW DARE she not mention that!!!
Now I'm being REALLY over zealous, but seriously sometimes those things can happen.... MOVING forward (man yall must get sooo tired of my rabbit trails) SO my friends said something to me that hurt my feelings, and rather than just ask him to clarify, I held onto it, took it home with me, ate lunch with it (no really it sat down right next to me and was like "hey Stace, whats up?") I just let it stew.....and the truth is....it was painful.
NOW here's the thing, this situation was small, not to mention a misunderstanding.....but there are two things as of late that I am "struggling" with.
Number 1. God's discipline and the journey he wants me to make
Number 2. Satan's attacks
People, walking with God.....its not easy......you must choose EVERYDAY to decide to stand up for what you believe in and walk in the LIGHT, and that is TOUGH in today's world. So I got in my car and I just let loose (for those of you who do not know me, i am SOOO not a cryer....I will hold it in until it comes out my nose, my ears, my pores, what have you, but I HATE crying, and even more so, I HATE crying in front of others) So anyway, I might as well have sunk the titanic with these here tears. I mean to tell ya, and it wasn't so much about what this friend said to me as it was the battles ive fought and the people ive hurt, and the physical pain my family and I have endured and on and on that I haven't cried about!!! I cried out to God "Sweet Jesus, WHY??? " (you people must think im the biggest drama queen) but really I am sooo exhausted from the uphill climb....and all i want is JUST TO SERVE!!
Because our God is such a comedian....he really is.....its like he grabs my chin and squeezes and pulls my face to his and sorta chuckles and says "My dear sweet child............................................... Stop being such a big fat baby" (HAHAHA yall thought i was going to say something precious there didn't you?) No really, its like he always has a word for me to calm me down and comfort me, but in a way that's like "chill out dude, every things fine, stop being soo emotional" So when I was doing my Quite time this morning God reminded me that if there is NO PAIN there really is NO gain......
I read a story that reminded me of when Logan broke his arm, and when Landon got a staph infection and had to have surgery......and in those moments when the doctor came in and twisted on Logan's arm or squeezed on Landon's wound you just want to bust that doctor RIGHT IN THE KISSER for hurting your precious child....but you don't because you TRUST that he knows what he is doing.....and you realize, as this story tells that "the agony was necessary to make my child whole again."
He goes on to say that, if we trust earthly doctors to do that for our children, how much more we should be willing to trust God, the Great Physician, to reset our broken lives “to be conformed to the image of His Son” (Rom. 8:29).
One of God’s purposes in pain is to brand the image of Jesus in our hearts.
Can we weep with those who weep? God may need to stain our cheeks with our own tears so that we can genuinely empathize with others as Jesus did.
Are we self-sufficient? God may need to strip away our security to conform us to the God-sufficiency that Christ displayed.
Are we faithless? It may require a tragedy to teach us to trust the Father as Jesus did.
Sometimes when God asks you do do painful things, or endure painful things He is doing it for a purpose.....like the scripture, that seems to be my life scripture for this season, says :
All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. —Romans 8:28
He may need to " strip away our security to conform us to the God-sufficiency that Christ displayed. "
or He may need to "to stain our cheeks with our own tears so that we can genuinely empathize with others as Jesus did. "
Whatever the case may be remember that he is doing it for a purpose, and YES the enemy may throw road blocks in your way, but take that as a compliment because that just may mean you are on the RIGHT track, and the enemy does not want you to be happy.
Like Beth Moore says in "Get outta that Pit" : Don't you stop until you make the enemy sorry he EVER messed with you!!!!"