Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Dude sorry about your car....But THAT. WAS. AWESOME!!!

Okay i just HAVE to post this!!! For those of you who do not know me, I have a big family, I have 4 brothers (yes i said 4) and one sister....and a HOST of aunts, uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins, yada yada yada. And seriously out of all of them the person who would be best (next to my aunt ) at writing a blog would be my Brother Shaun (oldest but not by much!!!).

Why you ask? Well that would be because he is the BEST at telling stories and making sure to add in the sound effects so you get the full effect. I always look forward to getting together with him because I know that I will get a good laugh at some point in the evening.....if not all evening.

So anyway, A LONG time ago he sent me this email, and i saved it because i literally had to curl up in a ball cause my stomach hurt so bad from laughing.....today i happened to be lookin through some of my saved emails and i came across this one.....it is just too good not to post!! If your in a downer mood, this will help!!! It is long but WELL worth the read!!




I was about 17 in my Senior year of High school and my buddy and I had just left work and were itching to find somewhere to see whose car was faster as kids always seem to do. No matter what kind of car you have you think its the fastest. Anyway at the time I had a Mazda B-2000 pick up, which by the way is probably one of the slowest vehicles ever, and my friend Scott had a VW GTI which was basically a sports car. Of course that didn't scare me any, so we found a dark and deserted road and decided to duke it out. Well, we lined up next to each other on said deserted, cedar/oak lined road (perfect for deer hunting, but we were oblivious to this fact of course) and revved up our engines, each trying to decide who was going to make the first move when I dumped the clutch, squeaked the tires, and basically got my doors blown off by the little GTI. Well, the fact that he was 10 car lengths ahead of me before I even started moving didn't matter, my pride was at stake here, so I was still determined to at least try and keep up when I hit about the 60 mph mark, (about 20 seconds later) and I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye. This is where it all happened, and of course, like every traumatic event, it happened in slow motion. This creature came bounding out into the road and Scott never saw it coming, as it didn't really run out in front of him as much as it ran INTO him, but nevertheless going 60 I heard a thud noise, followed by a flurry of legs and hair. I wasn't sure what happened for a split second as the creature disappeared out of the range of my headlights, but decided the best plan of action was to cram on the brakes as hard as humanly possible. Lucky I did because almost as soon as I came to a stop said creature reappeared and almost landed on my hood. Basically what had happened was the deer ran smack into his fender, then was thrown waaaaaay up into the air by the angle of the windshield. We often joke about how if I had waited another second, he would have landed in the back of my truck. Anyway, as Scott does when anything out of the ordinary happens, he panicked and kept going, but I'm sure the open beer can in his lap had something to do with it. I finally see him stop about 1/2 mile down the road, and after a couple of minutes (I later find out he ran into the woods to get rid of the beer) finally see his headlights coming toward me.

Now only a minute or two has passed, and the whole time I am sitting in my truck not sure if I should get out, because I am really not looking forward to seeing a pile of guts in front of me. I secretly hoped Scott would save the day and spare me the sight of what had just happened but he pulls up next to me and rolls down his window and is white as a sheet. He apparently had no idea what had just happened, and the animal (we hoped) was too close to the front of my truck and in the shadows of my headlights so he never saw it. I said, "Dude, look at the side of you car!" and he finally sees that his mirror is hanging by some wires and his fender is caved in, accompanied by hair stuck in every nook and cranny in the area of his door/roof/hood junction. So we finally get out of our cars, after I backed up a bit, and find a very small deer sprawled out on the pavement, and both of us at the same time start making little girl noises while we look at it. Right about then, the Bandera-ist, (a new word, what do you know) most Texas looking Ford truck pulls up, slows down long enough to say "Its a goner, pull that thing off the road so it doesn't cause a wreck". I'll let you add in whichever accent you feel would fit, any will do. The truck pulls away and we fight over who is going to pull it off when we decide to both grab a set of legs and drag. Now this was a small deer, as far as deer go, but still as big or bigger than your average dog so it wasn't the easiest thing I have ever done, not to mention the whole time I am dry heaving at the thought of seeing some organs slide out of it stuck to the road or whatever, but to my surprise it wasn't bleeding at all, except out of its nose.

So we get it into the grass and make some more little girl comments and then we decided to hit the road when Scott stops and stares at it for a second. I was thinking he was about to cry or something but he finally says, "I.........its.......I think its still alive"....... Aww for crying out loud!! Now we have to kill it AGAIN?? And of course neither of us has a gun, or a hammer, or a shovel, axe, coffee cup, nothing. So we start looking around. We considered pulling it back onto the road but, nah, that's not a good idea, when Scott spots a large boulder. Now let me remind you, neither of us played football, and we were both cashiers at HEB, I'm sure you get my drift, but of course neither of us want to admit this rock is too heavy for us on our own, so we decide to lift it together, with the plan to get it high enough to....well.....you get the idea. Anyway we get it above our heads when literally the thing starts doing jumping jacks right in front of us. We are both shaking from this rock above our heads and this thing is going nuts and we start to realize we are about to get pummeled by the deer, then drop the rock on our head and we finally chunk it to the side. Finally the deer stops moving, and since we know everything about dying, say that its just nerves, and go to get the rock again. Once again the thing springs to life, except this time it stands up completely normal, and proceeds to run smack into a tree at full speed and knock itself back out. Now this whole time, neither of us has said a complete sentence, only things like "ooh ooh ooh watch it, watch it," and "wha....ah..is it...I don't...." and things like that, all the while our mouths are wide open. We stare a little bit longer and then argue about whose going to touch it to see what happens, when once more, it flips out. This time he clears the tree line and flips and flops into the field behind the trees, and Scott grabs a flashlight so we can watch the action.

About 2 minutes into his/her Olympic routine it finally stands up, give us the biggest "EAT SH**" look, made even more believable due to the flashlight making his eyes shine, and runs off into the woods like nothing happened. We died laughing and got back into our cars and went home.Now save the "oh, he ran off and died later" comments, as far as I'm concerned he grew up, had lots of babies, and made good jerky later on.

I'm sorry I just cannot help but think of a very famous line from a movie so this is totally necessary!!!








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