Sunday, June 22, 2008

No more pretending.....

Hi my name is Staci:

This is me.....just me,

Not the "going out for drinks with my gals" me or the"singing with Chasing Daylight" me or the "Perfect mommy" me or the"Perfect Christian" me or the "flawless wife" me (well im always a flawless wife..... ;) ) or the "awesome blogger" me (had to throw that one in, lol)

Nope, its just me....good ole staci leigh, with make-up on from last night, and hair all a ruckus (which is why its up in a fab bandanna) swollen wisdom tooth extraction cheeks and all, and if you had seen me a few mins after that pic i was covered in piper hair (pipers the only other girl in the hezee, shes my Schnauzer) * sigh *

I dont think ive been myself lately, which is one of the reasons i choose to write this....but also , today, I was inspired......

its like ive been waiting all my life.....

First I would like to thank D.R. for his talk this morning. Without which I would not be inspired to write this. You never cease to amaze me. I am grateful for your leadership and example. (D.R is not only a close friend but also my former youth minister and now serves as a teaching pastor at the church we attend and serve at. I withhold his real name because, well because i am just getting more aware of how many people surf to my site that i dont know, and last names are not appropriate anymore....ya just never know.)

Now onto the topic with which i have been inspired.

Okay so this particular issue has been stirring in my heart for years. The issue of just.........of just "being"

"Being" you, being the BEING the Lord created you to

"being real"

REAL is the word of the day if you hear it, lets all pretend we are on the Peewee Herman show and just scream AHHHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA, cause maybe then we will all remember who God made us, and stop pretending to be someone we are not.

This has always bothered me.....and honestly, im not without blame in this area. I have, on a consistent basis, "pretended" that I was someone I was not for fear of judgement.

Really.....and i bet if you were honest, you might just say the same.....right?? Come on now, just admit it. Judgement is an AWFUL thing.

I look back, and i see this scared, naive, and insecure girl, who was in desperate need for someone to love her, anyone.....for people or a people to accept her. And that is exactly what I found. Understand, my intentions were ALWAYS good. I desperately wanted to be good....I wanted to be like Christ, I wanted to be like them......but as ive grown, ive begun to realize I was chasing after an illusion. You see....its NOT attainable. NO ONE is perfect. I found an amazing group of friends, i did, but there were only and are STILL only a select few that I let see the REAL staci.

And you see, This hope of becoming a "happy perfect christian", it only caused more pain.....the more I tried, the further id fall.....even, when i made the slightest mistake. I always felt like I could never measure up. I could never attain the happiness that they had.....i couldnt attain it because it was a farce.

Now dont get me wrong people. I am not saying that happiness is unattainable. Im just saying that PERFECT happiness. Infallible happiness, happiness without fault......its not real. There will always be pain, there will always be mistakes made, there will always be addiction, depression, dependency, obsession etc etc. Let's face it those things are real issues in the lives of many people. Issues in even the lives of close friends and family members. And im damn tired of walkin around here pretending that I myself have not struggled with at least one if not many of those issues.

Jesus died for me, he died for me and for you because he KNOWS we are not perfect.....he NEVER asked us to be. He only asked us to seek after Him , to believe in Him, and to follow HIM. And correct me if I am wrong, but MY GOD he LOVES everyone!!! He loves the addict, He loves the oppressed, He loves the adulterer, He loves the Homosexual, He loves the Black guy, He loves the White guy, the Chinese guy, the Hispanic etc etc. He loves the alcoholic, the prostitute........He loves the abused, the neglected, the starved, the hungry, the sick.........

If Jesus loved ALL of the imperfect, and we are supposed to follow, then why cant we love the imperfect........

There have been times in my walk with Christ, or shall i say in my experience with Christianity, that I have felt physical pain over some of the mistakes ive made because i TRULY felt I had NOONE to go to that would accept me.....even my own husband.

If you take anything from my ramblings this evening I hope you hear this. God loves YOU, not the "going out for drinks with your gals" you or the "Perfect mommy" you or the "Perfect Christian" you or the "flawless wife" or the "awesome blogger" you......


You may be very wise, you may be very loving, you may wake up on the wrong side of the bed 7 days a week but GOSH DARNIT he loves that about you because he MADE YOU......he made YOU for a specific purpose........think about this...... maybe, just maybe your redemption has a story to tell......Maybe your fall is someone else's safety net.

Dont dwell on the past, or let ANYONE make you feel like less than a person because you had a beer with dinner the night before. Just be the person God created you to be, and look for opportunities to listen to those around you who are hurting, who are lost, who are in need of a savior.

If you love like Jesus did, they will see Jesus in you....

Who is Staci you ask??

  • I am first and foremost a child of God
  • i am a wife and mother
  • I am a daughter and a sister
  • I am shy
  • I am grumpy when im sleepy or hungry
  • i absolutely do not cry unless my children are in pain or any child for that matter
  • i am not as girly as you might think i am
  • im a t-shirt and pj pant kinda gal
  • I HATE MY HAIR 99% of the time
  • I love to scare the bejesus outta myself by watchin scary movies but ALWAYS regret it
  • Im loyal
  • i keep secrets
  • I dont like arrogant people.....mainly arrogant men....arrogant women make me laugh
  • I sing in a band
  • I dont take compliments well, makes me uncomfortable
  • I LOVE me some margaritas
  • I LOVE to dance
  • I say dammit too often
  • smacking sends me over the edge
  • apparently im easily irritated
  • my ears get red when ive had too much to drink or when im upset
  • i am very modest, but not because i think its wrong to dress in immodest clothing but because i am insecure about my body, ALWAYS HAVE BEEN
  • I cant stand my toes they make me want to vomit
  • i officially cannot stand going to the dentist
  • ive not lost any wisdom after the extraction, so i still consider myself to be brighter than the average joe.
  • ive recently taken up reading for a hobby.....what are the odds?
  • I LOOVE to talk about anything, and everything, specially Jesus.....cause he's my homie
  • Karaoke is a must
  • i can only take loud children in small doses
  • and loud people
  • i HATE drama.....if you find me not talkin to you after a healthy dose of it then youll know why
  • im not nice when im mad.....but then again who is?
  • hmmmm......i guess thats enough for now, but mainly cause the "friends" are kickin in

Before I part I want you to remember that God made you for a purpose, and just in case your one of those that forgets easily, please read this you wont be real people!!!!


StacyRenee said...

Its comforting to know I'm not the only one going down this road. I have taken this currant deployment as a time to get back to "ME". I have somehow lost myself in an image of what I thougth everybody else wanted me to be. As I spend more time in the church and walking with God I realize how far from "ME" I had become. It took losing a child to shake me to my core and open my eyes.I believe that God made us the way we are for a reason, even our flaws and if we can learn to love and accept each other for who we are, the good parts and the bad, then we can do anything he asks of us.
And the real you looks pretty awesome to me so keep smiling :)

Heather said...

I LOVE the real Staci. Your honesty is precious and refreshing and beautiful and good. It's just really, really good. Thank you.

THE Stephanie said...

You forgot to mention you're a great friend.

Staci said...

Thanks Stacy.....I am terribly sorry to hear about the loss of your child....but happy to hear that you are running far from religious politics and finding the "REAL" you.

And I LOVE the real Heather!!!

And I love my stephy!!!

KimmyJ said...

Thanks for the reminder today that God loves me the way I am. I really needed that, you have no idea how badly.

Jill said...

I'm so glad I found your blog. I've been struggling with finding the "real" me for a few years now... sometimes I think I've found her..... and then life happens and she's gone again. I'm glad you're learning how to accept yourself. You are becoming an inspiration to me.

Staci said...

Awww im so glad to be able to inspire or help people get through their day.....this is why i got into bloggin in the first place.....

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Being a Christian sure isn't easy... especially when it starts to become unclear what that even means. Good for you for stripping it down to what it is - You.. and God...

Mar said...

Wow, so brave of you to post a photo of the 'real' you. And of course that sentence alone is all wrong. Why does one need to be brave to show their true colors. It reminds me of a Tyra episode where she made all the women in the audience take off their makeup and just be.

I am forever trying to find the real me, and i've sort of accepted the fact that I am ever changing and I try my best to live in the moment and be the best person I can be. Perfection is unattainable. It's too bad it took me 30 years to learn that!

Thanks for the thought inspiring post.

Katy Lin :) said...

thank you staci! i struggle with this immensely, too! i really appreciate your openness and your honesty, and i think the real you is pretty great! :) hope you're having a great day!

Staci said...

thank you mar for your words....and also katy lin, i am thankful for my new blogger buddies!!

Staci said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Staci said...

what i meant to say is YES hottub, it is very difficult to be a christian by the worlds standards!! thank you for visiting!!

Joey said...

yeah, being real is cool.

so, about the "other cool people" thing... did you happen to see that I had you under the blog list? lol, well, you are now in both places. but funny thing just happened... I didn't see MY blog on your list???

Staci said...

Oh yes, well i was waiting for you to put me first....yeah YEAH!!

-Bridget said...

Great post! Thanks for keeping things real.

Toni said...

What a wonderful post! I totally am going down the same road. I really enjoyed the post so I featured you in my Mid-week Blog Shout Out over at A Daily Dose of Toni

David & Jo Ann said...

You so inspire me! I love to see what God is doing in your life and how you are responding to Him. I'm just glad you have found your place! Love ya,
Jo Ann

Staci said...

thank you joann that means soooo much to me!!!! love ya

Perksofbeingme said...

As a new Christian who isn't sure how she feels about this (frankly I'm scared out of my mind!) I really appreciate this. I always hear that God only loves certain people, and I never have (and often still don't) feel good enough. SO thank you.