So I know my last post was a tad depressing, or maybe even disappointing, I don't know, at least it is for me. I think it sent me into a funk yesterday. Remembering how we hurt people in our past is NEVER any fun. But I admit to it because I think it is important to be honest about my struggles.
So I thought it would be nice to set the mood for today to something positive. I wanted to tell you all about something incredibly exciting in my life. God is moving in my life, he has been for sometime now. I feel closer to Him than ever before, and to tell you the truth I don't think I have EVER REEEALLY known Him, or shared in relationship with Him like I do now.
As I have walked in obedience with Him he has begun to bless me. So many needs in my life have been met. So many times I pleaded to God to answer a prayer or heal a relationship, and those things are beginning to happen. But there is one thing that he has restored in my life that I didn't ever realize would be a blessing to me.
Although I'm not the best, and not the most well trained dancer you will ever meet. I AM a dancer, I AM someone who LOVES dance, and I have been dancing since I was very young. It is something I am truly passionate about. I danced in High School and immediately after graduation took a job as a dance instructor at Jo Ann Neal Dance Studio, for whom I have worked with on and off since.
About a year ago if you were to look at my life, you would see that I lived a very dark, depressing, disconnected, sinful, SELFISH life. I would drink to stuff down emotions left undealt with and as inebriated as I was I would make terribly irresponsible decisions. It was pathetic, and truth be told, this was a lifestyle i had led for quite a long time. The more irresponsible decisions I made, the worse I felt. It was a viscous, and sad cycle.
When you are as disconnected from God as I was, you begin to loose your passion. You loose the gifts that God gives you, the purposes for which he made you. I lost myself, and everything meant nothing to me. I had LOVED to dance, but I had twisted and morphed it into something soo sinful that I began to loathe it. And the spirit of dance died with in me.
One evening in September of last year, my life changed. In one moment I had completely ripped my husbands spirit to shreds by allowing alcohol to consume me. I said things to him I would NEVER say, I thrashed and threw my body around, screamed, kicked.......flipped a lid.
And the next day. I did not remember a thing.
The whole next day I wept. I wept for my husband. I wept for my children. I grieved the person I once was....she was gone. And here was this girl I didn't even understand. It was then that God reached down, dusted me off and said "follow me" and I haven't looked back since.
The road to recovery has been EXTREMELY hard. He has called me to do things I never thought possible, but they were.
And in return for my obidience, one of the blessings he has given me was to restore my passion for dance.
I was driving to meet my buddy Steph, for a Blogalicious meeting, listening to the radio as usual. When I was overcome with emotion and I began to see a dance in my head to the song i was listening to. I prayed "God, um I'm not sure what you want me to do with this, but im open to your will."
This continued for weeks. And people if you saw some girl in the car next to you crying....yeah that was prob me. It was ridiculous, if an inspirational song of any sort came on, forget it, i was bawling. I continued to give it to God, trusting that he would reveal his purpose. And then it came.
I found out that our church has been wanting to add dance to their ministry.....WHAT??? When I learned that was the case, i sent an email to our programming director and worship pastor and we have been talking and sharing ideas since.
Of course since then I have been doing nothing but research, i mean YES i have taught on and off since 99, BUT have not BEEN TAUGHT since 99. And the world of dance has progressed ALOT since then.
It shouldn't surprise you that i began to get frustrated with the resources here in San Antonio, this is the most NON artistic city EVER.....and my frustration led to doubt...."can i REALLY do this, with what little resources i have?" And i kid you not the next day this is what I received in my email inbox:
He Will Multiply Your Resources
"And God Who provides seed for the sower and bread for eating will also provide and multiply your resources for sowing…" (I Corinthians 9:10).
We serve a faithful God! He’s a God of more than enough. Not only does He promise to meet your needs, He promises to give you enough to meet the needs of others, too. When you are a sower—when you give of your resources, your time, talent, and finances—God promises to multiply those resources so that you can continue to be a blessing to the people around you. You might look at what you have in your hand today and think, “This doesn’t look like much,” but understand that when you give God what you have, He’ll turn it into more than enough! The bible tells us that Jesus fed a crowd of over 5,000 people by multiplying the lunch of a small boy, and He can multiply whatever you have in your hand, too. Dedicate what you have to the Lord by faith today. Ask Him where you should sow your seed so that you can be a blessing to others. As you do, He’ll continue to pour out His blessing and abundance on you, and you will live fulfilled and satisfied all the days of your life.
Need I say more???
We DO serve a God who is faithful. Dont we??
I cannot wait to share with you the things this will do for people who come to seek God.
TO BE CONTINUED.......