Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A letter to :You know who you are.....

So when i asked yall to inspire me BOY did you, i even have people posting comments on my facebook page!! You guys are FAB, i have ALOT to write about now.....

My super fabulous blog buddy Brit told me I should write a letter....she said to anybody and about anything so i figured id write to someone im frustrated with....if this person reads it, they read it....if they dont OH WELL at least ill get it off my always helps me to write (or in this case type) it out and most of the time i end up throwing it away....does anyone else do that?? This time im just gonna say it and i dont care how mad they get.....

It may be immature and maybe it should just be said...but right now im too upset to "talk" and they prob dont care enough about my life to read this blog anyway so why not??

Dear You Know Who You Are,

I am writing this letter in regards to our conversation this past week concerning your feelings.....

Frankly, im tired of concerning myself with them....ive done nothing BUT for the majority of our friendship, even to the point of sacrificing my own so that you could be unburdend. I've held your hand through sickness and pulled you up from off the ground more times than I can count. Honestly, I was happy to.....because I care, because you are important. That is what im required to do as your friend. But im not sure you understand that.

In my oppinon this is not a give and take relationship, I give and you take. Ive had to ask myself many times over the last few days if i am making the right decision "createing distance" and for me, I think i am. Ive only ever reached out and asked for time, or that you would care enough to ASK if i was struggling rather than making snide sort of comical comments (im just not sure if your the "good staci" or the "bad staci") or shoveing it in my face out right. Im not sure why it bothers you so much HOW i live my life since your not really in it. Regardless of how you feel the only persons i am truly accountable to is God , Jason and myself.....and you need not worry, i got that covered.

But, for me, i feel the need to tell you that over the past year of my life I have never felt closer to God and to my husband. There is no need for you to bring up how i "used" to act because that is no longer an issue. I have found balance in my life and YES i may still struggle, in fact, friend, I will ALWAYS struggle ....because i will never be perfect. I will fall a bajillion more times and you know what im finding out?? I am finding out that, that is completely normal and okay. Because as long as i am authentic with God, and the people that matter, about my struggles then i am on the right track. And as far as im concerned, anyone who thinks differently or decides they want to inflict judgement into my life can kiss it!!! I have no time or desire to waste my life worrying what others think of the decisions ive made.

It is sad that you, instead of just admitting your wrong, would take a struggle of mine and use it to hurt me.

I know ive made mistakes, im not claiming to be perfect all i wanted was a friendship to include support. One that includes time spent, because otherwise whats the point?? You may finally have the opened ended invatation that you have worked towards for a long time. But that doesnt mean you put others aside so you can "get yours".....its selfish and its not what i deserve.

I am sorry if i hurt your feelings, i just stated the truth.

Im angry, i feel after all i have endured over the years i have the right to be.

For now, just let me be.

from, me


Perksofbeingme said...

Glad you could get this out. I love you.