Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Miss you.......

Anyone watch the hills.....anyone??

Before you call me an adolescent and laugh in my face understand that Jesus would be VERY disappointed in you for making fun!!! Really...he doesn't take it lightly!! He has my back yo!!

Anyway, YES i am a fan, AND not only am I a fan but (hold the phone) my husband is too!!! Im okay with you making fun of that, cause its just not right....lol. Although his main reason for watching is to observe Spencer's jackassedness, Jason has not one mean bone in his body, so it shocks him that this dude can be soo horrible and yet still be liked by anyone. He sits next to me with a some what bored look on his face until spank comes into view....then this smirk slides wistfully across his face......its amusing. :)

Moving along, as i said I am a fan. Ive been watching Laurens dramatic life play out since the wee days of Laguna Beach. I obsessed over her obsession with Stephen, and loathed Kristen Cava-sluttee right along with her.

Then I lived vicariously through her when she moved to "The Hills" and decided to go for a life in fashion, and was pleased with her decision to have feisty Heidi as her Bee Fri.

And next i was distraught for her when Heidz started putting Spank before their friendship, and heartbroken for her when Heidi chose her bro over her hoe.

But i was satisfied with her life because she had Whit, and Audrina, and somewhere in all this mess Lo comes back into the picture. Lo is cool but im not quite sure i can read her.....that bothers me a tad.

Oh and lets not forget Justin Bobby, he is just a KEEPER isnt he?? Ive had many a screaming session at the TV with him in the picture.......but I give him a pass because he is OBVIOUSLY a wounded soul.....;)

Anyway through all of Laurens dramatic scenes Ive never quite related until recently.

I can't believe im admitting this....

But the last two episodes of the Hills I was overcome with emotion.

Stop with the hysterics, cause its not like I really care that much about "their" lives its just that I realized I had suppressed some emotion from a situation in my life. Watching these last two episodes brought this emotion to the fore front and boy did the water works appear.

Let me explain:

First I have only a few close friends, three of which i call my best friends.... They all mean the WORLD to me, you all probably think Stephanie when i say best friend. Because you know us as bloggers, but I have two others, Amy, Whom I met in High school, and Lindsay whom i met at the same time I met Steph, we met at our Church youth group. In this situation I am speaking of Lindsay. Are we up to speed?? cool.

Lindsay and I have been through alot together. When I say alot i mean ALOT. There are things that she has helped me through that i will forever be grateful for. And there are things that I have walked with her through that NOONE would want to see their best friends have to deal with. She knows EVERYTHING about me. And I her, and she has ALWAYS supported me.


If you watched the last episode of the Hills , im sure you saw Lauren and Heidi talk, (SHOCK i know) and then in the previous episode you saw Lauren say goodbye to Whit. These last two episodes hit me hard, I identified with Lauren in a big way.

There was a time about a year and some months ago that I had to make the decision to create distance between her and I. This decision , now looking back, was for the best....for both of us and I know Lindsay would agree. But it was the hardest sacrifice I have EVER had to make. For almost a whole year we did not speak. It was torture, and the hardest part was knowing that she was suffering.

God was faithful to restore our relationship, and that is the best gift. But during this time Lindsay made the decision to move to another city where her family would all be together. It was the BEST decision for her and her precious family, but it left me heartbroken.

I dont deal well with emotions, I suppress them as often as i can because deep down i think i am REALLY an emotional mess and i think i would explode if i let myself feel them. So when I saw Lauren saying goodbye to Whit It all rushed back.......but I was strong enough to keep it together......however not good enough to hide it from Jason, for a brief moment he took his eyes off the tv to notice i had a look of distress on my face....he pushed, i pushed harder. He dropped it. But last night, when Heidi and Lauren finally had a moment together, I remembered how difficult it was to not be with her, to not have her in my life......and i wasnt strong. Jason was just as shocked as anyone would be..."seriously WHY are you crying" but it had nothing to do with them.

I remembered her calls........and the strength it took to not answer.

I remembered feeling soooo alone. When id struggled and had noone to call.

I remembered when he came home after seeing al........and falling onto the bathroom floor thinking i had lost her friendship forever.

I remembered the instant connection and the "UN-awkwardness" i felt when seeing her for the first time in a year.

I remembered seeing syd for the first time after a year and feeling like she KNEW me still , her aunt tace. :)

I remembered her txting me and telling me she couldn't come see me cause it would be too hard to say goodbye.


I know your not far.......and I know ill see you as often as possible. But I wanted you to know how MUCH you mean to me......and how VERY much i miss you!!

Do you gals have a best friend you miss??

11 comments:

Perksofbeingme said...

I have a best friend that I miss. She only lives about two hours away from me, but we are both so busy we don't get to see each other much. She knows a lot about me, and we can sit for hours in silence and never feel awkward. She understands me like no other, and when I don't know (or have) the words to explain how I feel, or how I'm hurting she just knows. She is my best friend and I miss her like crazy.

Staci said...

that sounds soo familiar!!! We are too much alike brit girl!!

Grand Pooba said...

Oh yes, my bff from jr. high. We thought we'd never grow apart but then when she got married she moved about 5 hours away and it just hasn't been the same. Probably my fault because I have changed. ALOT.

We're still friends but it's not the same. I feel like we're fake friends, ya know? There are things I feel I can't tell her because she would freak out! It's sad but I'm hoping one day we can start where we left off. Like you and your friend!

Staci said...

I have a friend like that, i felt the exact same way....it was mainly my fault we grew apart, like i said i am horrible with emotion and i wasnt gonna go to the same hs...which in retrospect is soo lame and little excuse to end a friendship...but i was soo sad. I have since apologized and asked for her forgiveness....she accepted but weve grown sooo much there is just no going back to how it used to be....but just to know she and i could hang and be cool is good enough for me!!!

Staci said...

I have a friend like that, i felt the exact same way....it was mainly my fault we grew apart, like i said i am horrible with emotion and i wasnt gonna go to the same hs...which in retrospect is soo lame and little excuse to end a friendship...but i was soo sad. I have since apologized and asked for her forgiveness....she accepted but weve grown sooo much there is just no going back to how it used to be....but just to know she and i could hang and be cool is good enough for me!!!

Staci said...

I have a friend like that, i felt the exact same way....it was mainly my fault we grew apart, like i said i am horrible with emotion and i wasnt gonna go to the same hs...which in retrospect is soo lame and little excuse to end a friendship...but i was soo sad. I have since apologized and asked for her forgiveness....she accepted but weve grown sooo much there is just no going back to how it used to be....but just to know she and i could hang and be cool is good enough for me!!!

Jill said...

Funny you should ask...

I was BEST FRIENDS with this guy I met when I was in High school. We would see each other or talk every single day. When he joined the Navy we would call each other constantly and talk for hours. In many ways, he was the male version of me. Right before his term was over in the Navy, we had a major falling out. Basically he was being a hypocrite and he insulted my sister (who was like a sister to him as well). I talked to him once after that, and I realized I just couldn't be friends with someone who would treat my sister with such disdain and we haven't spoken since. I think I saw him out and about the other day, and part of me wanted so badly to call him, but part of me just can't.

Debra said...

Staci,

I just wanted to stop in and say Merry Christmas! God bless you!

(I barely made it through this post...so much ouch factor for me and I'm how old?...I'm so grateful for Jesus and His faithfulness)

Toni said...

I am a Hills Freak too, I have watched since the beginning. Yes I have friendships I miss, I had a very close friend (or I thought we were close) that I have just recently lost that connection with it seems, i guess our lives are going in different directions. One of my best friends from high school i lost contact with after I graduated and that sucks. However I do have 2 best friends that I have had for years and even if we dont' talk for months for some reason the moment we do it's like we never had any time between us. Those friends are the ones I know I will always be able to count on and call when I need someone and that is what is important in my lilfe.

Rachel said...

I love the Hills...don't miss one episode and my husband is tortured watching it...so he just makes a bunch of funny comments.

Alyson said...

I love the hills too. I have seen every single episode, and I even watch the re-runs! I have lost some very important girlfriends that I was friends with for 10 and 15 years. Kathryn became the popular cheerleader in high school and I couldn't hang with the cool crowd so she dropped me and that was hard. I then lost my other best friend Jennie just a short year ago when she just decided to not answer my calls anymore after 15 years of friendship. It was so easy for me to identify with Lauren on the show because of all her struggles with friends. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but even the richest prettiest girls like Lauren have their struggles so I've come to the conclusion that it's just a part of life. And I just have to believe that every incidence is in God's great plan or our lives!