Think Back Tuesday....

I saw someone do a post like this where they had nothing to post about so they took something they wrote previously and reposted it......i like this idea.....

Pray for my inspiration....or just pray that the thoughts in my head will organize themselves so i can post them......

Pray that things will look up....

Anyway here is a post from the past.....ENJOY!!

As I sat and pondered the last year of my life I realized that I went through a major transformation. What I have become, or rather who i have become was nothing like I was........

I have grown considerably in every area of my life. And when I think about the amount of time it took to get to where I am physically, mentally, spiritually, I am astonished.

I became to understand that if I just invest the time, in not only myself, but in my God I could accomplish and overcome many things. All day long these verses kept lingering in my mind......

Psalm 139: 13-18

13 You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

Just to know that before my birth, ALL the days of my life were written before they came to be....it makes me feel soo comforted.....so loved.

This past year, although the result being my faith, my marriage and my mother hood standing on a solid foundation, has not been with out pain and heart ache. And God revealed to me something beautiful this past weekend. Although simple, it drives the point straight home.

I happened to be sitting out on the porch of a dear friends family home this past weekend, and the sun had juuust started to set. Over to the left my friend began to point out that it was about time for the humming birds to feed.

Apparently, these birds have their feeding schedule down....I'm totally good with that.....i like schedules, and if i lived here, in this peaceful place, i would spend every morning and evening time right where I was.....watching those beautiful delicate creatures fight for food.

The family hosts three feeders, and each feeder was FULL of lil tiny feet. Although tiny and fragile, these birds are FULL of FIRE!! I mean to tell you, if there wasn't room for one to feed, it would fly waaaay up and spiral straight at the feeder without fear, hoping to scare the bejesus out of their target (one of the other lil guys)

I began to compare myself to these precious creatures....I thought "Man isn't that like me over the past year.....fighting anything and everything that has kept me from my target......the fruit of my survival......"

You see, Jesus, for me. is my only way to survive. Spending time with Him, allowing Him to feed me and fill me with his love, it is the very fruit of my soul. It spins every other aspect of my life into motion, and I have become that humming bird, marking my target and spiraling toward it without fear.....

Naturally, like the birds, to reach their goal may be painful.....at least it looked that way to me as i watched them spiral into one another. And for me, this conversion has been just that.....

I am drawn to the story of Abraham and his son Issac. Abraham and his wife Sarah had prayed for years for a child, and finally at a rather unlikely age, God blessed them with a beautiful son that God would one day ask to be made a sacrifice.

What would you do?? I don't think your answer would be any different from mine......RUUUUUNNNN!!!! Right?? But Abraham doesn't......he faithfully takes this precious gift to the top of mountain, allll the while on the way up his lil Issac repeatedly asks "father where is the animal in which we are going to sacrifice?" OMG couldn't you just die......

But Abraham only answers "God will provide"

What faith/trust this father had in our Lord......he continues in the process all the way up until the very last second before he has to kill his only child with his beloved and then the Lord intercedes......WOW.....

I am drawn to this because I was REALLY struggling with a particular sacrifice that the Lord asked me to offer up. I am here to tell you I went kicking and screaming.....I didn't understand, and at times still struggle immensely. But I obeyed.

After I had carried my sacrifice up this mountain of sadness, hurt, depression.......I left it at his feet and walked away......struggling to hold my head high......God brought this story to my attention again.....

I can't begin to know what it was like to have God intercede and return his precious gift. But I imagine it only strengthened his already solid relationship with his eternal Father. But I can relate to the pain he must have felt......sheesh I can barely type the story without feeling emotional.....

Listen up people, God never said walking the straight and narrow path would be without pain......if you can find a verse that proves other wise let me know. Some of Gods most influential disciples have had to endure pain beyond what I could ever imagine.......but isn't it amazing how God Always uses those situations to give us hope?? And hope is what inspires us.......

So over the past year I have grown, and I feel security like I have never felt. I am incredibly happy. God is revealing just a bit of his purpose for me everyday. It feels great to just be the me that he created and receive his blessings of love and to hear his sweet voice in places soo unexpected as i did in these tiny birds.

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CUTE HUH??

CONTEST and How I Met the Loves of my Life Part 12

First of all GO HERE and check out our Blogalicious Giveaway!!! We are going to randomly pick the winner of a Bodacious Blogalicious Makeover which is a 125 dollar value!! I think you are gonna wanna enter this contest yo!!

And without further ado, here is the continuation of the story you all know and love to read "How I Met the LOVES of my Life" its been waay to long.....

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

I guess i have put this part of the story off because it was probably the most confusing time of my life, and it is very difficult to relive. I had been with "that boy" for nearly 6 years and had not dated anyone else, I was out of school had no real responsibility, my life was at a crossroads and i had decisions to make. I had NO idea what i wanted to do with my life....I was soo lost. So when he came home from the mission trip in Mexico all emotional and on fire for God I felt a HUGE disconnect. I had just cheated on him for Gods sake and he wanted to tell me about how he met several orphaned children and helped lead them to Christ.

I was so disgusted with myself, as i sat as his feet and listened to his amazing stories I just wept. He had no idea how i had just betrayed him......his thoughts we so genuine and so pure and I was such a lie. This should have made me want to straighten up, but instead it made me spiral deeper and deeper into self pity. As I said in my previous post this relationship with Keen lasted for some time in secret but it wasn't like what you would think, he lived about an hour away so i didn't see him often, but i talked with him often and even that, to me was enough of a betrayal.

"That boy" had begun to make comments about "taking the next step" and although I thought that was what i wanted I began to get really nervous, especially after being so careless with our relationship. I loved "that boy". But all of our friends were getting hitched and I didn't want to get married just cause everyone else was. I wanted to know in my heart of hearts that this was our purpose, and quite honestly i didn't know. I was so young, so indecisive....am i thinking of marrying him because i am afraid to loose him??

This is the part where my mature self would tell my immature self, "if you have to ask yourself that question, maybe its not the right time"

This is where I tell myself "pursue the life that GOD has planned for you, and let HIM worry about "that boy"

This is where i would tell myself "Seek the Lord, and HE will make your path straight"

I had my whole life before me, and I was worried about being alone.

I think about that sometimes and i want to just cry. How insecure, how sad.

But these are the things that anyone in my position would think about. When you go from being dependant on those that raise you or provide for you, to being independent, it is a scary and confusing time. And alot of times you want to cling to what is comfortable, what is within your comfort zone. I naturally clung to "that boy" and i began to organize my life so that we could take that step, when and if he decided its what he wanted.

I got a job working at the dance studio i grew up in, and also as a receptionist for a company that managed a group of UTHSC doctors. I paid off my car and saved everything else. I made all the necessary adjustments but began to feel distant from "that boy" I imagine this was where he began to feel the same emotions of fear. "Am i making the right decision" "Is she the one" etc etc. As time went on the phone calls and visits to Keen became less and less frequent, I was certain that a relationship with him would never work, we lived in two VERY different worlds, and my heart kept going back to "that boy" I think it is a tad ironic that when i make my decision to remain with him, he becomes distant from me.....BUT looking back i understand and most certainly relate to the feelings. BUT this would lead to a rather small instance of hurt, but a pain and a grudge that i still carry with me to this very day......

TO BE CONTINUED......

DON'T HATE!!!

Questions Answered

Okay here are a few of the questions asked and answered. I'm really liking this idea so keep the questions coming!!! And thanks to all who have asked thus far, it is really requiring me to think and do something other than my normal routine.....

Lizzy asks:


What's your favorite memory from elementary school, middle school, and high school? (So... like 3 memories total)


Elementary school-This is a really difficult one, for those of you who know me, you know i went to a bujillon different schools, so the majority of the time i was very too myself because i knew id be moving soon....there weren't too many memories made in these fragile years....i do however remember my first crush Aaron Goetz waved at me when he was walking into his class which was next to mine, i bet he regretted the day he did that cause it was all love notes and prank phone calls from that day forward....lol i still enjoy a good prank phone call every now and again.....although now its alot harder to get away with!!



Middle school-good gracious, trying to pick a fav memory from these years is like asking me to pick my fav child....I loved middle school because this was the only school i stayed at for more than a semester....i went to COKE STEVENSON MIDDLE SCHOOL from 6th all the way through 8th and am still in touch with the majority of friends i made during those years.....I don't know if i can pick just one, but i can say that all of my best memories made were when i spent time at Meredith's house....we would sneak out almost every weekend and TP some poor unfortunate souls home, or climb in Cameron's window to give him an ever famous wet willie (finger in ear) AHH good times ;)







High school- I remember meeting one of my best friends, Amy, for the first time, we were in Business Computer Applications (wha??) and we hit it off right away, i asked her if she wanted to join me for lunch and we knew right away we were meant to be when i turned on my radio popped in my "AHA Take on Me " single. She freaked and said "I LOVE THIS SONG, I SOO LOVE THE 80'S" And that began several years of BFF bliss...lol





Sharon asks:


Were you planning on continuing the "Loves of my Life" saga, or was it finished? Because, you know, there was the infamous ellipsis at the end of part 11 (or, in layman's terms, the "dot dot dot" :-)



Why yes i am actually.....it is not finished. After this i promise to post an addition to the story....and i apologize for how long it has taken me......I've been uninspired. Okay okay lazy ;)




WhereMyAngels asks:


Why do you have such odd taste in music ;)


This is a great question which requires a fairly simple, okay maybe a tad complicated answer.....


music inspires me....all kinds.


I find that the most inspirational music is usually very emotional. I guess I have the gift of feeling emotion come from music. I grew up around music, my mother and father both played in several different bands and my dad still does actually. I too sing.....


I have memories of my parents band practicing in our living room at ungodly hours and of my mom blaring the radio with the windows rolled down when we were in the car...its in my blood.


But most importantly it is the way it helps me express my emotion to God....if I can find a song i relate to either through the lyrics or just the emotion behind the notes then my soul dances......and sometimes i do to...which, if you know me is my greatest passion.



KimmyJ asks:

What would you do for a living if you did not have children?



Wow this is a good one, it is really hard for me to say because the past 8 years of my life have been about them. I love being their mom and watching them grow. They have given me soo much joy. Yes there are times where i wanna pull my hair out, and times when i honestly feel depressed and lonely. But it is a sacrifice i choose to better my children. Quite honestly when my lil one gets into school, i havent the foggiest where God will have me or what doors will be open to me...but for now i am happy with my purpose in this moment, and that is to take care of my boys....all three of them ;).



Debra asks:
Expression in worship is difficult for a lot of people. And then for some people, it is an absolute freedom and brings them into the throne room of God. You have mentioned in earlier posts that you want to begin a dance ministry in your church, so I'm taking it that you find yourself in the latter group of people. My question...how can I pray for you?

Oh this is a great one, im glad you asked because ive needed it in relation to this situation.

First of all for me because i have not done much updateing persay (dance has progressed alot since the last time "i" was trained) i need prayer in the way of confidance. I am sometimes an insecure person, although i may not let on that i am. I. AM. And on top of that I am a perfectionist. And I am not even CLOSE to perfection when it comes to dance. I need prayer that I will trust that God will give me the resources and the strength to do what he has called me to do. I dont know much about how this will all work out, but I do know that this is something God wants. To be able to worship him with our whole bodies our whole being......

And because expression in worship is difficult for some, I know that this is going to be something that not everyone is on board with. I have accepted that and know that when God moves not everyone is going to understand it and possibly some who will not like it. I ask that your prayer be that people would not only see with their eyes but that their hearts would be open to this type of worship to God.

Okay....ask me anything.

I am reeeally gonna try to update more often.....i feel in a rut lately....i haven't been very inspired.

Anyone wanna give me a topic to write about????

Or maybe ill answer some questions.....okay so if your up for it, ask me anything and ill respond in my next post.....maybe that will bring up an issue or two for me to post about.

AND I'm gonna be better at commenting back too....dangit!!! :)

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