Yesterday was my sweet baby Landon's birthday. Landon is no longer a baby, but he is MY baby. He turned 4, and as the years have passed this feeling in the pit of my stomach has grown bigger, and bigger and bigger....my babies are no longer babies.....i wont be a "stay at home mom" anymore. In two weeks, my "baby" will be going to school for the first time. For the first time he will be without me for 8 hours a day....and i cannot handle it. :(
These last few weeks have been so emotional for me, not only am I about to have to leave my child in a strangers hands at 6:45 Tuesday and Thursday mornings, but two friends that I have known since middle school have gone to be with the Lord....and some heart breaking things have been going on with in my family. I am trying so hard to cling to my faith and to not allow bitterness to encompass my heart but it is difficult to understand why these terrible things are happening.
Lindsey had just gotten married less than two years ago and had a sweet baby boy 10 days before she passed. And although i hadn't seen her in years her passing affected me in ways i cannot explain. Maybe its because i know a mother has many fears when it comes to her children, but none greater than losing or leaving her child behind.
And Brandon was such a great guy, we didn't get to see each other often but when i did see him he always made me laugh and was always so happy. Last time I saw him was at my 30thbday party, even though he hardly knew anyone there, he made sure to come and wish me a happy birthday and give me a big hug. He was soo worried he wouldn't be able to come because he didn't have on "close toed shoes"( he had on flip flops) so he made a pit stop at his house which was outta the way just so he could be there. And on new years i had posted that i was having a get together on facebook and he made sure to call and say he would have loved to come but he would have to work until at least ten and so he probably wouldn't make it. Its things like that that made Brandon such a good guy, he was always more interested in making others happy then himself, and he always made sure you knew, even if you weren't close, that he cared. I now wish i would have gone to the restaurant that he worked at when he invited me. He will be missed.
Having had all of this happen it was hard to be excited about my "baby's" birthday because this just means that he's growing up and that soon i will not be able to hold him as closely (protect) as i once was able to. He will be more independent and wont need me as much, and that scares me to death.
I am praying for the mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, and for the husband and friends who have lost these precious people. I am praying that the will not loose faith, that they will believe that Lindsey and Brandon are in a beautiful place where they are comforted and without pain. I am praying that I will hold on loosely to my children so the can LIVE. And i am committing to loving my friends and family and appreciating "time"more than before.....
So yesterday i got the results from my TB (tuberculosis test) and they were negative. Getting the results to the test was the final addition to my file for nursing school and on Sat I have my orientation!! In December Jason and I finalized the financial aid and everything is a go!! I start February 1st and I could not be more thrilled!! I am super nervous but i am so excited to start this new chapter in my life. Please pray with me as I make this HUGE transition in my life....it has been years since I have been in school or had an 8-5 type of job. Ive stayed home for the last 6 years!!!
Thanks for all the support from my family and friends!!
We had such a great time and im sure i said a bajillion times "im gonna work out like a mad woman in 2009" psh yeah RIGHT!!
What came next in January shocked and devastated me, I had returned home from a mini vaca with a girlfriend and noticed my Best Friend Amy had called several times, when i finally got ahold of her she informed me a good friend from High school, her ex-boyfriend Rufus had been shot and killed by some random person he didnt even know. It made me realize just how short life truly is....Rufus was a wonderful person who will be missed by many. He had JUST graduated from A&M and looked forward to starting his new career. Read more HERE
I then decided to give a lil lesson on RIGHTEOUSNESS you can read about that HERE...i think ill be reading about that too ;)
Then i spilled my guts about what was on my heart HERE ive updated it so you can see how things have changed....that should keep you busy for a moment.....
My Bloggy friend over at Learning to Love Every Moment asked for prayer for her sweet niece who developed a staph infection or MRSA as an infant, so i asked for prayer on this here blog and the next day we recieved news that the infection was gone....NOT the norm....but when two or more are gathered in his name for prayer....there HE IS, amen?? Pretty cool!!!
Then I went to visit my BFF Lindz we had a BLAST and i am ashamed to admit i have not been back to Houston since......its the most AWFUL feeling being away from her....i will stop talking and post pics.....otherwise i might cry :(
Then i decided to try my hand at flash, which i then promptly decided is the devil and shall only be worked with if a client REEEEALLY wants it. :)
And then MARCH came
...and it became clear to me that my son needed to know about Jesus, So we had a convo about that, and you can read it HERE. its pretty darn cute!!
Then i finished the HOW I MET MY HUSBAND story which was a BIG accomplishment people, you can read that HERE.
Then in APRIL
BRCC had its easter services at the Freeman Coliseum it was AMAZING and sooo many people .Our Church partnered with the San Antonio food bank in hopes to restock it during these hard economical times where they are running really low, and when i left they had already filled 5 big moving trucks FULL of food and they were still loading. Pretty cool!! And that was pretty much the only thing that happened in April.
Well December went by too fast for me to blog!! And it was VERY bitter sweet, while i enjoyed my kid home on winter break, and had a lovely Christmas, i found out a friend from middle school had passed away just DAYS after her beautiful baby boy was born. :( Although i hadnt seen Lindsey or her husband in years, it affected me in ways i cannot explain, as im sure it did many others. If you knew her or would like to simply read about what an amazing girl she was or donate to her precious son, you can go HERE.
My 2009 was eventful, sad, happy, beautiful, fun, frustrating and a million other things all tied into one...but i wouldnt trade the memories for anything!!