Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Remember Who You Are

Has any one ever had that feeling of dread, you know, the one where you wake up not realizing you ever fell asleep, with the gut wrenching feeling that you have made a terrible mistake? A mistake that didn't just affect your life, but had a ripple affect on those around you, maybe even people you hold the closest. Well I have, several times. And when this has happened, and maybe your even going through a similar situation as we speak, but when this happened, have you ever felt like giving up? Have you ever told yourself that you were worthless, that you had no value or that your life would forever be ineffective? Well, again, I have.

Feeling this way, its natural. Well, natural for most. When we mess up, we naturally feel guilt, shame and remorse and it is true that there is a proper time for this. However, its when we cant let go of that guilt that it can begin to chip away at our very soul. And after sometime of wallowing in our degradation we sometimes become someone we don't even recognize and our loved ones become almost untouchable as we don't feel we are worth their love.

There was a time in my life where I was making choices I couldn't bare to live with, and the more i kept my choices in the dark, the more it chipped away at Staci. I became a woman I couldn't even recognize in the mirror, a woman who held even her own precious children at arms length because I BELIEVED they would be better off without my love. I went through several YEARS of this torment. For years I chipped away, chipped away, chipped away, until there was almost nothing left....and then, I finally crumbled. Into a million and one pieces.

(switching stories for a sec, i promise it will all come back together)

The other day as J and I were unwinding in the evening we came across the movie "Blood Diamond". I had never seen this movie and we happened upon it in the middle of the movie. I expressed to J several times that "id rather watch this movie in its entirety" but for some reason he didnt turn it. To make a long story short there is a part in the movie that caught my attention and left me in tears and I believe with my whole heart I was meant to see it.

Let me set up the scene, In 1999, in Sierra Leone, the fisherman Solomon Vandy dreams on the day that his young son Dia Vandy will become a doctor. His dreams are shattered when the rebels invade his village and kidnap him to work in the diamond mines. Solomon finds a huge pink diamond and while hiding it, the commandant of the rebels sees, but the rebels are attacked and Salomon is arrested by the government army. While in jail, the wounded commandant tell the prisoners that Salomon found the stone, and the mercenary smuggler Danny Archer from Zimbabwe releases Salomon and proposes to exchange the diamond by his missing family. Using the idealistic American journalist Maddy Bowen, Danny locates the wife and daughters of Salomon in a refugee camp, but is informed that his son has been recruited by the rebels. Salomon and Danny consolidate a partnership, with Salomon looking for and finding his son, and Danny looking for the diamond and finding redemption. They have just found Solomon's son and where they hid the diamond and Dia (the son) turns on them with a gun.

I pictured myself in Dia's position, so far removed from who I was that I was willing to push my family away (hurt my family).

The way that Soloman, Dia's father responds, is how I KNOW my father in heaven would respond. The words he uses I KNOW are the words my father speaks to my heart when i find myself dwelling on my past mistakes.

Please take a moment and listen to Solomon's words to his son, and picture Jesus, speaking to a broken soul.

Psalm 86:15 But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.

You see, I crumbled....my sin was exposed and it devastated me and the people I loved.  But i was shown Christ's love through most of those I hurt, and forgiveness was extended, and my heart is being mended.  But there are times I will go back there, and Jesus gently whispers to my heart, reminding me of who I am.

I hope that this little clip did for you what it did for me.  It reminded me that I am NOT a bad person.  That my past sin has not defined me, and that my Father wants me to come home and be his child again.  He didnt ask me to keep reliving my sin, he simply forgot it ever occurred.

So tonight, are you letting your mind go to that dark place in your past?  If so, fall into your Fathers arms and let Him remind you who you are.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Wordless Wednesday

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Day of Birth

Lonnnng lonnng ago on a sunny July Morning a little baby girl graced the world with her presence.  

Yes ladies n gentlemen I, Staci Leigh Adams the first came in to the world a screamin!!  Its my birthday!!  YAY me.  

In the past I would have been celebrating my birthday looong before the actual day came along, but this year I am just not in the mood for all that.  Something feels a bit different to me.....

Oh yeah, im old :)

No really this year after all that has happened in the las 365 days, having a day thats "all about Staci" just isnt appealing.  What i really want this year is just to be with my boys, family and surrounded by people that are uplifting and positive.  

Speaking of that, my 4th of July was good times, my boys and I got to participate in a 4th of July parade in Castroville.  What a great little town.  It was so much fun and the boys had a blast.  

 Then we headed out to our dear friends home and swam with some friends we have known for years who we just adore and enjoy spending time with.  We all had SO much fun!

Then it was off to meet up with my parents in good ole Boerne for the most fantastic fireworks display!!  Id say im more blessed by the good times i spent yesterday than any present i could EVER receive!!  

I feel so incredibly blessed this year on my birthday, and I tell ya it feels like i have shed some old skin and grown significantly because of that.  Im thanking God for blessing me with another year of life and for surrounding me with such special people!!  Happy Bday to me!!  

How was your 4th of July??

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

 It has most definitely been a while since i have graced the pages of my ole blog here, but i must say there has just been so much going on i have not had the time.  I am going to do my best to update you guys in one blog.

It sure has been a wild and crazy ride since i started nursing school back in February of 2010 as evidence by this picture here, i myself have gone crazy too.....

 Apparently so have my kids. Or at least Lil man has ;)

Yes it has been a long road but i have finally finished school and after i pass my boards I will officially be an RN.  YAY ME!! And to commemorate my passing i had some graduation pics done out in Castroville TX.  My good friend from school Robyn is a fantastic photog and so i had her take some pics and I took hers, here are two of my favs....yes im in my scrubs..... fancy i know ;) 

I then took those pics and created my own invites for my graduation, the ones that were provided by the school were horrible, and i couldn't send out that mess to my friends and family so this is what i created and had printed, cute huh??  Yes i blurred the info, just incase your a stalker ;)  

 On the last day of school a bunch of us went out and had some amazing margaritas, I look excited dont I?  They were YUM-O  and i could only have ONE-O  :)

 When I returned home that day (don't make fun of my Galen blue nails) I found this AMAZING graduation gift from the hubs.....no not a manicure, a NEW RING!!!!  I was so shocked i didn't even believe it was real for the first few minutes.....it is absolutely beautiful, completely unexpected but SO appreciated.  I feel so loved.  

 I then decided my hair didn't go with my fabulous new ring so i chopped it all off.  I LOVE it, and it works since it has been about 105 here everyday for the last few weeks!!!  So hot my face melts off every time i step outside....too bad my butt doesn't melt off with it.  :)

To celebrate my finishing school my good friend Manderson and her fantastic mother took me to the beach for a few days....it was so beautiful and relaxing and i feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends.

 Don't be jealous of my arbor mist......  

I am so incredibly blessed to have gotten through these last 2 years which have been the most CHALLENGING years of my life.....so much has happened along with gaining a wealth of nursing knowledge and I honestly could not have gotten through any of it without my family, and my TRUE friends.  

I hope from this point forward to be updating my blog regularly again.  Thanks for reading!  Till next time!!